Talk about Happiness

Yesterday I gave a talk in church; which was challenging as I had problems with my notebook, had a lot going on but I did it. Below is what I prepared. As usual I was a nervous wreck but once we sang the sacrament hymn I felt a peace and calmness surround me. However, I still managed to be more entertaining than I hoped and not too spiritual. I actually went over my 20 minutes and I am sorry that I took some of Kimball's speaking time his talk was very honest, personal and from the heart. His comments to me at the end was that he hoped he hadn't made a fool of himself to which I think I said then but will say now: "No, you were great it was from the heart and very touching".

Not everything that I prepared was said but a friend wanted me to share and another suggested I blog it so here it is.

Good morning,


A couple of weeks ago I was sitting between Brad and Mike at Marnie’s house and I felt pretty confident that this was safe territory. Mike had finished conducting the month of January and he had forgotten that the previous time he conducted I was not able to speak for the Sunday he called and asked me to give a talk. I was fortunately out of town so it was easy for me to say hey no problem ask me to speak in January and I will do it. Well January came and he didn’t ask and I thought oh you are good to go. So I was blindsided as I sat there and Brad turned around and asked me when I had last spoken in church. I told him it had been this past summer and then I realized it had been just a little longer. So I knew I had a clean calendar and I willingly accepted to speak and he gave me my choice of Sundays so here we are.

Now this past week I exchanged a couple of texts with Kimball about our talks and our preparation and I have appreciated his words of encouragement that I will do better than him followed by could you speak longer say 30 minutes. So it is only fair to let him know that last night Jeremy called and left the most entertaining message on my cell letting me know Kimball had a lot going on at work and just wasn’t feeling well and so he (Jeremy ) thought it would be really great if I could speak for 30 or 40 minutes. When I heard this message I instantly thought wow I can’t believe these guys.

So Kimball I promise I will talk my 20 minutes as agreed and I know you will do fine. It is my hope and prayer that I will be able to share words and experiences that will be helpful to someone in the congregation and that we may feel the spirit.

My topic today is about happiness and how to live a happy life. Now I thought this would be an easy topic and I quickly realized it was but it wasn’t. It was because I really try to be happy for the most part but I also remembered that sometimes it is a struggle for some people to be happy. I know that I can recall of a specific time in my life where I was very unhappy. My mom had already passed away and my step dad passed away in 1996 on Father’s Day. His passing was a relief to me in the sense that because I had to drop out of college in May as I was going to school at Fullerton state, working in La Mirada, and commuting to UCLA after work to take care of him. So when my brother Ken called me the following Monday morning I was relieved that he was not suffering and my life would return to normal. What I didn’t realize is that three days later my life was going to become a spin cycle. My dad’s business partners were not happy with some of the choices my dad had made so while he was in the hospital they took out a mortgage on the house. A previous girlfriend of his claimed my dad had left her the house and he had transferred the deed to her. So we soon began this legal battle over the house I grew up in and my brother’s were very supportive of me. However, I hit rock bottom when the following March as we were doing depositions and reviewing the other sides depos I read some schocking accusations about the relationship between me and my parents and learned that my mom and her my dad her first husband had adopted me. I knew the accusations about our family relationships were lies but once I read the words about being adopted I felt lost. So I did what I thought was best I withdrew from social life. I would go to work, do my calling in church and then come home and just cry myself to sleep. I never opened my curtains in my room I made it very dark. Luckily, I had an amazing roommate Perri and I recall she came into my room one day and said I am doing this because I love you but this pitty party has to stop; you may not know who your birth parents are, but you know who your Father in Heaven is and you are a daughter of God and he loves you and so do I which is why I am doing this. So get out of bed, go to work and go out and do something fun tonight. I remember just crying and saying ok I will do it and that was a turning point where I realized that my Father in Heaven had not forgotten me, he was there for me and I would be ok. Read: Doctrine and Covenants Section 61;36 “Be of Good Cheer…for I am in your midst and I have not forsaken you” .

I want you to think about what makes you happy. I asked myself that question and a few of my thoughts are as follows:

• Going to a baseball game, preferably and Angels game on a Friday night so I can just relax and forget about my work week and responsibilities for a few hours,

• Getting postcards and cards from friends who are traveling the world or maybe just thinking they should drop a note.

• Camping in Rocky Point (camping meaning a motel with ocean view) and watching the sunset and hearing the waves as I drift to sleep or start waking up.

• However, what brings me most happiness is being with my friends and family whom I create lifetime memories that bring me those same feelings of happiness as I recall those moments we share.

As you can see my list has a wide range but curiosity or maybe insecurity that I was weird got the best of me and I set out on conducting my personal Amy Waller survey and asked various people what makes them happy.

• Dogs, dogs make everyone happy

• Being around my kids generally makes me happy especially when nothing is going on and we are all sitting together doing practically nothing

• Happiness is having peace of mind…peace regarding my life in respect to my relationship with God, my family, my children others.

• Ultimately I am happiest when I know that what I am doing is good for me; also known as in accordance to God’s will.

I like the last response as it ties in well to what the Prophet Joseph Smith said:

“Happiness is the object and design of our existence, and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it, and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God”. The more faithfully we keep the commandments of God, the happier we will be.

Now I am going to be honest I know that sometimes as I have waited for the next chapter in my life there have been times where I got distracted and maybe strayed away from keeping the commandments and sure I still had happy times but more often I am not as happy.

Last year I attended Time Out For Women and a speaker who had just turned 40 years old and was single talked about waiting. We are all waiting for something. Some of us are waiting for a promotion, others are waiting to have enough money to buy a home, and let’s be honest most of us are waiting for marriage, yeah I said the M word. But let’s be honest we are in a Singles Ward and some of us are closer to our graduation day and wouldn’t we like to graduate with honors? So I want to start with one of the principles that she shared and have really made an effort to keep this in mind as I have gone through life this past year.

1. Feel your feet. What this means is pay attention to every step. Sometimes we feel that we are just plugging along and not getting anywhere. Back in 2002 I was preparing to run a marathon and there were days where I would run on a treadmill. I remembered those were the days when it was the hardest. I wasn’t going anywhere I was just watching whatever was on the tv or listening to some music and watching the dot go to the next dot until I completed a lap. Sometimes it seemed forever and I would think oh I can’t wait until I am done so I can do this or that. Sometimes we do the same in life. We are waiting and we feel other people are running past us and we are just sitting here not getting anywhere. However Cassandra Barney who is an artist and painted a painting titled Be Where Your Feet Are said this: I remind myself to be where my feet are; often my mind tends to drift towards the future, sometimes planning and worrying about what lies ahead, missing the present. Being present is where life is the most rich and colorful. I even find myself consciously feeling my soles of my feet on the ground to get there.

We need to stay in the present and feel our feet. I am not saying don’t plan or worry about the future. There is time to do that but most important we need to enjoy where we are in life right now. Obsessing about the future we do not know may keep us from enjoying that we have now.

This month in Relief Society we had a lesson on the Forget ME Not Talk by Elder Uchdortf and one of the points he talked about is Forget Not to be Happy Now.

There is nothing wrong with righteous yearnings—we hope and seek after things that are “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy.”4 The problem comes when we put our happiness on hold as we wait for some future event—our golden ticket—to appear.

During that lesson Andrea asked us how can we be happy now?

Marnie didn’t realize a comment she made would become part of my survey but she said something along the lines of

“I live in the present and keep going by making plans to go on trips, going to Disneyland, planning little thing that I can look forward to and gets me through the everyday things of life”.

In Mormon 5:23 it asks know ye not that ye are in the hand of God? I think that growing up I knew this but didn’t have a scripture to reference to what I felt or thought. I am grateful that I was fortunate to have sensed this as a young pre teen and through my teenage years when I was not a member. I didn’t have your normal childhood and not too long ago I was taken back when my best friend in high school confided in me that she felt sorry for me when were growing up. She said this because from the time I was about 11 or 12 my mom began to deal with a brain tumor so there was a lot of times I was not able to do something or I would have to stay home and help take care of my mom. However, although I was not a member than I knew that God had a plan for me and while I knew my life was different than my peers it was ok with me. So when she said this I responded really? It wasn’t the ideal childhood but having you and your family as my friends is what got me through that and made my life perfectly normal for me.

Doing Service – Doing service and acts of kindness releases serotonin in your brain. (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.) Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside. I work at the temple every Thursday night as an ordinance worker and sometimes it is a challenge for me to get there. I have had a rough day at work or I am just tired or maybe there is a PB basketball that I would like to see.

However, once I drive through the gate and see the building I feel complete peace and energy. I don’t know most of the patrons that I serve but as I serve them I feel excitement and love for them.

What brings me joy is when I see a room full of patrons and I see a few familiar faces from our ward. Mosiah 2:17 we read when you are in the service of your fellowman you are in the service of your God.

Express gratitude. –Being grateful for what we have in our lives will bring us a deeper sense of happiness. And that’s without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense. We’re going to have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.

Last year a friend of mine asked me to join her friends challenge to do the The Butterly Challenge which was to write 12 letters of Gratitude this in 2012. Now this was not an easy task and I am recommitted to it in 2013. However, I did improvise as I am a good writer but not good at saying things verbally. So I improvised a little. I took the time to think about one person each month and how and why I was grateful for them. I would write one thing about them in my gratitude journal and then I would call them and let them know how grateful I was for them. I know a letter would be more lasting but I think the message was still well received and it surprised people who know me well that I was expressing my gratitude for them verbally.

Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships. Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely? WHOA! There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with. We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful.

Last September I had the opportunity to have a girl’s weekend in UT because apparently all girls who grow up in OC are supposed to get married have children stay in Cypress or move to UT. However, if you are single you get to move to Arizona or San Diego, I chose the latter. Each of us planned something for the weekend and my activity was for all of us to do a temple session together. As we did the session it gave my heart great joy to be in the House of the Lord with these women who are not just my friends but some are like the sisters I never had. That was a moment that filled me with gratitude and made me happy then and as I recall it when I think of that weeknd.


Cultivate optimism. – No matter what the situation, optimistic people will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. These people know failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.

When I came into the ward just two years ago this month; everyone was very friendly but I quickly noticed Sara Sutherland who when I saw her I just felt happy. When I would talk to her she was just happy and optimistic. I am grateful for her outlook on life and that we are friends.

Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority. If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made. What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place. If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.

Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of holding grudges is horrible. When you ‘hate’ or are “mad” at someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your spirit. I think you put yourself in a state of negativity and it stays with you throughout your day

TALK ABOUT FORGIVING DAD AND SEALING HIM TO MY MOM

Commit to your goals. – Amy Waller suggested this as a way to be happy. She is right , being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force. Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere. When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing. This helps us be happier because they know part of their purpose.

To live life as if –In 1 Nephi 5 we know Lehi has sent his sons to Jerusalem to get the gold plates and they have not returned and Sariah she is not very happy with him. She is sure their sons are dead and is probably not to be too happy to be out in the wilderness. I know Iwouldn’t be. Lehi apologizes a little but also tells her “I have obtained a land of promise” that’s right he uses the word obtained but yet he is still out in the wilderness has not gotten to the sea where they have to build a ship and cross the sea to get to the land of promise. Lehi is already there, he is living as if.

Now if you are like me you think that is not possible but if we read in 1 Kings 8:56 “there hath not failed one word of all his good promises. Lehi trusted that God keeps his promises. We need to learn to have that kind of trust. This is again emphasized in

Ephesians 1:11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being apredestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:

this shows us that Lehi trusted that when God makes a promise that promise was set in motion long ago.

We need to remember that God knows when we are going to get that thing we are waiting for. We just need to do our part by trusting in God and remembering that he keeps his promises and we need to do the things he ask us to do – keep his commandments.

In Doctrine & Covenants Section 82:10 we read

I, the Lord, am abound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no bpromise.

This clearly lets us know that God keeps his promises; there are blessings for obedience. It is like math obedience in blessings out. This math is easy for me, it works, it makes sense it is an eternal principal. Whatever it is we are waiting for; there are laws of obedience that can be attached to that blessing. Now trust me I have read things and thought huhm if I do this, will I be blessed with this but it is not that simple; but yet it is. We need to be obedient and the blessings will come. They may not come in the form we want them or at the time we want them but they will come.

My point being that we need to stop worrying about all the things that we cannot control. Other peoples decisions/actions, God’s timing, but rather to focus on the things we can which is our obedience which allows us to have blessings, and to live in tune with the spirit that will allow us to have personal revelation and be happy.

Elder Holland said God Expects you to have enough faith and determination and trust in him to keep moving, keep living, and keep rejoicing. In fact he expects you not to simply face the future, he expects you to embrace it and shape it and love it and rejoice in it and delight in all your opportunities. God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams just as he always has but he can’t if you don’t pray and he can’t if you don’t dream, in short, he can’t if you don’t believe.

However, we all know sometimes things happen and something comes along and trips us up to derail us. There was a runner who was doing a 600 or 800 yard dash and she was slated to win the race and everyone knew she would win but she tripped and fell at the last lap. Everyone sighed and knew there was no way she would recover. In that moment she had a choice to believe in a promise and to get up and finish or decide all was lost. She chose to get up and ran and won that race.