Why I Am Not Married

I was asked this earlier this year by a couple of cute girls I watched on Monday and Tuesdays.  I wasn't sure how to answer that but I did and I don't even recall what I said or how I said it.  However, that question has been asked of me several times this year and so I have been thinking about the M word. 

My mom had an affair with my stepdad and left my dad when I was 6, for my stepdad thinking she was wife #2.  The reality was that she was wife #3 as far as we know.  However, there were many women also in my dads life while he was married to my mom.  

Don't get me wrong my mom's first marriage was not perfect - whose is - my dad worked a lot and was an absent husband and father because of that.  

So somewhere between the age of 9 - 12 I decided I was never going to have kids or get married.  I mean all that would happen is you would get divorced, or have an affair.  Instead I was going to be a career person with lots of money and do anything I wanted. 

So anytime anything serious came along I would sabotage it the best way I could.  There was the one guy that I wrote to while he was on his mission and I eventually let my guard down and he told me I was too good form him, I had a good job, I was in college.  That broke my heart and even more so when out of the blue he called to let me know he was getting married and how he wasn't sure she was the right person since she didn't have all the things I did.  Then the other time I let my guard down and this boy was probably the most caring and supportive person to me - even after we broke up and he showed up to my dads funeral.  He was the one boy I came home after a date and told my roommate at that I didn't know when or how but one day I was going to marry him.  Only to break up with him later because well things were getting too physical and he wanted to maybe go on a mission.  I didn't want us to do something that would keep him from going so I told him we should break up when asked why I said the mission thing and he didn't accept that so I said the words I regret to this day - I just don't really like you.   Then there is TX my total train wreck - I have always known he was not marriage material but hoped maybe and well he just distracted me enough to almost let a decade go by but I will share more about that on another post. 

So fast forward to San Diego time and the talk President Monson during the priesthood session really hit home to me.  He acknowledged that there may be financial or emotional reasons for them to hesitate, or maybe they are just having too much fun — "taking extravagant vacations, buying expensive cars and toys and just generally enjoying the carefree life with your friends" — to settle down.
I felt that applied to me and I remember telling my friend Helaman that I was going to try to be open to dating and marriage but I got sidetracked with work and TX distracting me. 

So here I am 2019, eight years later and I have two little girls asking me why I am not married, do I want to be married.  I have my previous Elder quorum president asking me why I am not going to single activities - don't I want to get married, maybe my husband is praying for me to be at the activity.  I know you are rolling your eyes, I know I did and can't believe I am sharing. 

So the marriage topic has been on my mind.  I now understand what my sister in law once shared with me - her concern that I was not married and that she wanted me to have someone to grow old with and have companionship.  I remember thinking and maybe answering I have my nieces, family and friends I don't need a husband.  Guess what I have had a mind shift as I am understanding more about the companionship.  Maybe because for the first time in years I have not been a part of good friends that are single and support each other.  I have zero single male friends near me - and that has helped me realize that women and men do need that companionship.

In April I heard a talk titled Answers to Prayer.  In summary I was reminded that we have to ask God for our most earnest and worthy desires and remember that those prayers may not be answered in the way we hope, because he has a greater blessing in store.  And sometimes our righteous desires are not given in this life.  I also took a spin on that I have always been so vocal and adamant on all the reasons why I don't want to be married. 

In summary, since April I have taken a new outlook on the M word, I have thought of all the good examples of marriages, the positives of my parents marriage(s), and why I deserve a good companion and can be a good companion to that man.  That guy I said I would marry someday - well he married someone else so that option is out.  So who knows what may or may not happen.  Until then I will keep enjoying the single life and look forward to the future.

School is out and it is summer!!!!

You are probably wondering why I am excited about school being out and it being summer.  So let me explain.

There is no school traffic early in the morning so that is nice.  However, in early February my friend NS got a new job closer to home and needed help with someone to pick up her two girls from school on Mondays and Tuesdays.  I was not working and figured why not, I will do it until I get a job.  So for the past 15 weeks I have had the privilege to park on a crowded street and wait in line, or wait in a long line to get these two cute girls.  

While I have had these girls over for dinner and often said hi to them SS1 was always very shy and sometimes hide behind her mom.  However, as time went by I have seen her become more friendly with me.  I knew I was IN when she saw me somewhere and ran up and gave me a hug.  It totally caught me off guard and it was nice affirmation that we were friends.  The second time was when I was out with her mom and she wanted to talk to me - WHAT!!??  I will say this I felt like I was finally part of the cook kids when these two events happened.   SS2 was naturally friendly and outgoing.

I enjoyed picking these two friends up and I loved their conversations they started with me.  I think my most awkward moment was when they asked why I didn't have kids, followed by why wasn't I married and how they were going to find me a husband.  I felt like i was being called out by a first and second grader about my life choices and fears (I will talk about that in another post soon). 

For the most part we would have a little snack and SS2 even tried guacamole and liked it but asked me to promise to not tell her mom.  I didn't, and she did so it is ok that I post this here.  She was also the mixer of flavored water - it was quite fun.

They even used the pool with me - after living here a year I finally made it to the pool.  It was a warm day but the water was brrrr cold. 

Another fun memory is when my transmission started going bad I borrowed a car like mine but they didn't like it.  They thought it was older and didn't like how hot it was and we had to keep the windows rolled down to cool off on our 2 mile drive back to my place from their school.  They loved the rental car the best.  I think they like my new Sante Fe Hyundai.  Oh yeah, I forgot I did get a new car in April too.  I will share more about that on another post.

One of the last times we decided to not be couch potatoes and we went on a little hike and it was so fun.  It was probably the second time I walked on a Keller trail and I was eaten up and had little bites over my arms and legs. 

For the most parts in the afternoons, we watched a show on Netflix - A Series of Unfortunate Events.  We are somewhere in season 2 and I am unsure if I should continue watching without them or do we have parties. 

I mention parties because they did share with me the last week that they can now come over and have parties with me and go swimming, have snacks, and watch tv.  I think they have given up on finding me a husband.  

I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with these two sweet girls.  They reminded me about being patient, kind, and to stop and enjoy life.  It was not an inconvenience, it allowed me the opportunity to help someone and in the end it helped me stay sane and enjoy my Monday and Tuesday afternoons.