Happy Birthday Mr Eldred (Dad)!!!

So yesterday everytime I wrote the day I was oh wow today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 83 years old.
I met Mr. Eldred when I was about 5 (he is my stepdad). He was my friend and my mom's too that nobody knew about. We would go to the park or a movie sometimes.
When my mom told me he was going to be my new dad...I quickly said "ok well can you make a baby so I can have a baby brother or sister". I had no idea the seriousness of the situation.
Don't get me wrong my dad was a good man. He worked hard to provide for his family so he was a busy engineer for Chrysler and provided me with anything and everything my mom wanted to get me. However, as we all now the material things are not what matter the most. I rarely saw him as he had to drive outside of Mexico City to his job in Puebla and often got home when I was already in bed. We went to parties and outings as a family but often I spent more of the weekends with my abuelita who really was my great grandmother.
I thought Mr. Eldred was the best dad in the world - he would chaperone field trips with my mom and make sure I had the best birthday parties at Skateway. As I got in junior high and high school I started to realize that Mr. Eldred was not the perfect dad. We grew distant as my mother became more ill and I realized his shortcomings; and I rebelled at the situation of my life and was no longer a sweet innocent girl but rather talked back and did my own thing.  What is a 13 year old to do when she has no parental authority at home and realizes her dad is not perfect?
As I repressed memories and just became involved in my life things were fine but we had a huge breakdown when I was 17. This was probably a period in my life where I strongly disliked Mr. Eldred but I stuck around because of my mom.
When I turned 19 things improved as my nephew joined our family. I saw the joy and love Mr. Eldred not only had for his grandson but his son, my brother Ken and his wife.
Then came my niece Laura and that sparkle was there again. Our relationship was still strained but it was beareable because of these two amazing individuals.
My mom became more ill and well let's just say that after she passed we had a real open conversation about some of my concerns about some of the people he chose to have around her. I think he finally realized I was no longer afraid of standing up to him and I had valid reasons to feel the way I did.
In 1994 a year after my mom's passing my beautiful niece joined our family and my dad found new happiness in another grandchild.
My dad was not the perfect dad but he was my dad. I know he loved his sons, his daughter in law, my mom and adored his grandchildren. I remember how he would tell me about how Spencer and Laura were doing when he would visit them in the desert and I didn't go along. My only regret is that my nieces and nephews probably don't hear to often about how he loved them and yes he had his shortcomings but he was a good man deep down inside but just had some personal issues.
He provided me with a home, good memories and I do love him.
So Mr. Eldred, Happy Birthday!!!

I wonder

Do you ever wonder if something you said you would do in the future was just part of a self fulfilling prophecy?
Growing up I did not like playing with dolls and saying they were my babies. I didn't like playing house and saying I was the mom. Instead I liked to play that I worked in an emergency room and  was a doctor or a cook in restaurant.
A few years ago ok maybe 10 years ago my doctor told me at the time that she didn't think I would be able to have kids and I wasn't schocked or sad. I was more like sounds good to me....it fits in my plan to not have children. I can adopt or marry someone who has children.
So now moving forward I am once again facing an OBGYN next week to discuss what treatment I want to proceed with. This time however, I am not with the frame of my mind that this is ok and it fits in my plan. Why? My never wanting to have kids tied to my never wanting to get married. My mom left my dad when I was about 5ish...and lived with my stepdad and eventually married after her divorce. My stepdad proved to my mom that the grass isn't always greener and she realized late in life that her one true love was my dad. Even as a small child I recognized the heartache of infidelity, divorce to the adults and to the child (me). I vowed I would never be a part of that or subject a child to that which is why I set in my head and heart that I would never marry or have children.
However, the past year I have really opened my heart to the idea of marriage. I have many couples who have been a good example to me of good marriages and I know it isn't easy.
While I am at an age where I think I would be out of my mind to have a child, I don't like realizing that I wont have that experience. Don't get me wrong I am a wimp so not sad about giving birth but just thinking wow I may never be a mom.
Yes, maybe I can marry someone who has children or adopt but I wonder and maybe just maybe by saying those previous words of I don't want to have a baby...if i was protecting myself from being sadder than I am about not having that option. 

General Conference

I had General Conference on my mind all week. General Conference is a meeting that is broadcast from Salt Lake City to all over the world. It is an opportunity for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to enjoy a few hours of inspired counsel from the general leadership of the church. And, yes, that includes addresses from the prophet of God: Thomas S. Monson.

In preparation for this; the Stake Presidency for my ward asked that members attend the temple two times this past week. I worked at the temple as usual on Thursday and then planned to do one session in Newport. However, I was motivated and pushed to do two sessions at the Newport Beach temple on Friday.

Where I did some family names. I can tell you it was amazing. One of the names that was done was of my dad. During the session, I felt a sense of peace and love towards him that I have not felt since I was a child. I quickly realized that I truly have no hard feelings towards my dad. I know that the things he did while on this mortal life where not the true intentions of his heart. I know that deep down inside he loved my mother, my brothers, and even me. He just didn't know how to show his love or live what would be a good life. So I think I not only have forgiveness for him but full understanding that he must have had a hard life to live knowing what the right thing to do was but doing the opposite at time.

Next item of business at the temple is to seal him and my mom together and then seal myself to them. I know I should probably explain sealings but I will summarize it as follows:

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that when Christ was on the earth, he acted with the authority (and in the name of) of God, his Father. We call this authority the Priesthood. Since Christ possessed the priesthood, he was allowed to pass it on before he died, which he did; to his 12 apostles. The sealing power is the priesthood power given to authorized servants of the Lord to perform certain acts on earth and have them recognized (sealed) or validated in heaven. We believe it is this authority the Lord Jesus Christ described when he said to Peter, "I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven" Matthew 16:9.

In this dispensation of the fulness of times, the sealing power was restored by Elijah, the last prophet of the Old Testament period to hold it. He bestowed that authority on Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery in the Kirtland Temple on April 3, 1836.

In the Church a sealing refers to the marriage of a husband and wife and to the joining together of children and parents in relationships that are to endure forever. This special type of sealing of husband and wife in marriage is referred to as "eternal marriage" or "celestial marriage." It contrasts with civil and church marriages, which are ceremonies recognized only by earthly authority and are only for the duration of mortal life.

So I will be acting in proxy at the temple for my parents sometime soon; and will then be sealed to them forever.

I know this may all seem odd and different to those who are not of my faith. I hope you will respect and understand that this is a very important part of my life and I know taking a risk in putting it out here. However, I am learning that it is important to share more about who I am, what I believe and care about the most.

Oh and back to General Conference, it truly was amazing. The messages were full of wisdom and I know that if we take them to heart and follow the counsel that were given, we will be blessed more than we can imagine.