Random Thoughts

So many thoughts have gone through my head the last few weeks and here they are.



1. I don't know why this recent injury happened but I do know I can beat it.



2. Having this happen and realizing I am older and single has made me realize that while being single is ok and I am good with it. It does suck in situations like this.



3. I know some very amazing individuals that care about me and want to help me without a second thought.



The acts of kindness and service and just willingness to help me totally make me realize how my last number is so unreal.



4. In 2003 or so I was in the best shape of my life doing tae kwon do, kickboxing, water aerobics, swimming, and preparing for a marathon. What happened to that girl? Well she has been hiding for a long time behind a desk by working long hours.



5. I wont be able to do kick boxing or tae kwon do well sparring or running. However, I will be able to swim, ride a bike and become a strong confident woman.



6. I have been insecure for a long time and felt as though I was unlovable.



So if I look at the list a lot of these items are all related and had an effect on my life.



With a little heart to heart talk from my oldest niece I shared with her how in 2014 I was going to be selfish and focus on myself. Focus on myself and really believe that I was loved and worth caring about myself.



Interestingly enough I connected on FB with a cousin of my mom and last night she e-mailed me about how she remember my parents being so excited waiting for me to be born and how excited they were when I was born. Now the key in this sentence is that they knew when I was coming and knew when I was born. She doesn't know the details of my adoption but she did remember the excitement and the love my parents had about me.



I know this road wont be easy and there will be challenges.



On another note I was also told at PT today that I can walk without my immobilizer but to be careful. Good thing I just had it on because I almost tripped with my own crutch. Argh just had to happen to keep me humble.



So there my random thoughts are some deep revealing thoughs about what I have been thinking the past few months.

2nd PT appointment after surgery (1/21)

So I am caught up as this actually happened today.



I went to PT this afternoon and it was odd to be there after 5 pm.



It was easy to park as nobody was really there. There was nobody there to check me in so I just had to sit and wait for the therapist. I kind of wondered what happens if I have the time wrong and I am late or he forgets about me.



So he eventually came and got me from the lobby. He had me take the immobilizer off and stand up without the crutches and just see how I did...so that's a new exercise to stand up and distribute my weight through both my legs.



Then he asked me if I wanted to ride the bike and I said can I? He smiled and said sure why not. So we went to the bike. I did about 5 minutes on the bike. At first it was ackward and did the hip adjustment to do the full rotation and then it got easier and I just sat there and rode it. It didn't hurt too much unless I tried to go fast so I slowed it down and had fun. I felt like a winner.



I think this made my knee lose and it was easier to do my stretches.



My therapist told me I am doing well and have come a long way. We talked about how I was a wimp at my first therapy appointment and now I am fearless and I am tough and just doing it. That made me feel good. I sometimes hurt at home when I do my exercises to bend my knee and I worry I am not doing them right or helping my healing process.



So after he iced it I was off and we talked about if I should do PT 1 or 2's a week. Right now I am at 1X a week and he said because I am doing better and getting stronger and being aggresive 1X a week is sufficient. Yay me!

January 14 Post Op Appt and 1st PT appt.

So today I successfully seran wrapped my leg and trash bag covered it and took a shower. I felt accomplished that I did a good job as I was dry as could be on my left leg.

I went down my stairs on my own with my immobilizer on and crutches. Slowly and carefully and quickly realized the air was drying up my throat and nose. I love Santa Ana winds.

My PT went ok my incisions looked good and I had no swelling. I did ok with my exercises and it hurt to bend my leg and no I did not get it to 90 degrees like my doctor would have liked but my therapist said it was close. I love my therapist he is very cool and positive.

The doctor went over my pictures with me and then with my therapist. Apparently the secondary tendons that did not show up on the MRI are torn and she thought of putting a couple of stitches on them but thought it would be too complicated as they are in the back side and she did not feel comfortable taking that risk.



Where she should have seen my torn ACL she saw nothing but a black / red hole. There is no scarring or signs of an ACL having been there or torn. She thinks I either really damaged it previously but thought it was very odd.

I am to be aggresive with PT and see her in four weeks. I will have weekly PT.

I am waiting for my custom knee brace that is pending approval from my insurance but is covered at 100%.

She released me to return to work on Thursday and I can continue to work from home until then

After surgery 1/13

So surgery seems to have gone smoothly I was in the surgery room around 9:25 and I woke up in the recovery section around 10:30.

I felt good and iced it and elevated it.

Down side is that my doctor saw additional damage that was not visible with the MRI and she know thinks I need the major surgery. sigh. So tomorrow at my post op appointment I will learn more. The pictures I was given were not very clear and kind of grossed me out. 



KD stayed with for 24 hours she is super awesome.



Tomorrows agenda is to seran wrap my leg ; put it in a trash bag and take a shower without getting it wet so I can be clean for my physical therapy appt where my dressing will be removed. Then I will immediately have my appointment with my doctor.

Follow up appt to discuss MRI results

This post should have been posted on 1/2 or 1/3 but I am catching up and trying to go in chronological order.



Sorry I mean to send this to you in my bcc distribution but forgot.


So Thursday I saw Dr. Fellow and he referred me to Dr. Alaberton who is a surgeon and only works on Tuesdays in Rancho Bernardo. He also recommended I get a custom knee brace and fortunately there was a technician there to fit me for a custom brace. She was only there because she was dropping something off for someone's birthday. Otherwise I would have needed to go in on Monday or Wednesday of this coming week (1/6).



When I made the appointment with the surgeon the first available appointment was for 2/4 and I learned she worked primarily at Torrey Pines. Fortunately, I was able to call them when I got down to my car and I was surprised when they asked if I could be there at 8 am on Friday morning (the next day) and I had to ask if they had anything later and they had a 10 am. So I booked the appointment.



She asked me how I did the injury and followed up asking how I was doing going up and down the stairs and why was I still on crutches. I explained I was staying with a friend at ground level and she said I needed to just start going up and down my stairs. I explained they were steep and narrow and she said "so what, you can do it". She also said I needed to lose the crutches and just walk around without them. Her exact words were more along the line of suck it up. We compromised at the point that I was willing to go to my own place and go up and down the stairs but I wanted to use one crutch. I also had to push myself with my PT and ride a stationary bike.



She went on to explain I could have one of two surgeries. A minor or a major surgery.



Major: fix the ACL, the meniscus etc. This would take a one year recovery time and it would be long.



Minor: fix the meniscus and wear a brace and see how I do and this would be a couple of months recovery time.



When she asked which I wanted I explained I wanted to just be fixed completely so the major.



So she thought about it and said she would prefer to do the minor because it would be easier quicker recovery time. She was concerned that with my diabetes I was at high risk to reject the acl (apparently it would come from a cadaver) get an infection and have complications. She also wants me to have a greater range of motion on my knee. So we agreed that we would do a minor - she challenged me to lose 40 lbs so I can be stronger as I recover and go through my rehab. We will then see if I am not doing well and she will feel better about doing the big surgery on me.



So this coming Thursday (1/9) I am having surgery. I need someone to be with me the first night I am home by myself.I believe I have someone to take me there but not sure about a ride home.  Argh.



I came home from my friends house (SH) in Coronado yesterday afternoon. She helped me load my car and I drove home. Then AW helped me unload and took things up and then we went to TJ's to get some food and then we got back and we organized and cleaned up. Well I will be honest she did the cleaning. I did hang my clothes and put them away as well as changed my bed sheets.



My PT on Friday night was good and my therapist was pushing me. I rode the stationary bike for about 5 minutes and it hurt and I maneuvered around but somehow managed. I also told my therapist that I don't normally curse so If I did I was apologizing ahead of time.



This is also the 2nd day I woke up a sore throat so I am trying to stay healthy and not get sick. So  I am typing this as I am resting and thinking of taking a nap.



Also it wasn't so bad going up or down the stairs. I am slow and careful and now I will get through this....I can do ANYTHING!!!!

Knee Surgery

So Thursday I saw Dr. F and he referred me to Dr. A who is a surgeon and only works on Tuesdays in Rancho Bernardo. Fortunately there was a technician there to fit me for a custom brace. She was only there because she was dropping something off for someone's birthday. Otherwise I would have needed to go in on Monday or Wednesday of this coming week.

When I made the appointment with the surgeon the first available appointment was for 2/4 and I learned she worked primarily at Torrey Pines. Fortunately, I was able to call them when I got down to my car and I was surprised when they asked if I could be there at 8 am on Friday morning (the next day) and I had to ask if they had anything later and they had a 10 am. So I booked the appointment.

She asked me how I did the injury and followed up asking how I was doing going up and down the stairs and why was I still on crutches. I explained I was staying with a friend at ground level and she said I needed to just start going up and down my stairs. I explained they were steep and narrow and she said so what you can do it. She also said I needed to lose the crutches and just walk around without them. We compromised at the point that I was willing to go to my own place and go up and down the stairs but I wanted to use one crutch. I also had to push myself with my PT and ride a stationary bike.

She also explained I could have one of two surgeries. I minor and a major surgery.

Major: fix the ACL, the meniscus etc. This would take a one year recovery time and it would be long.

Minor: fix the meniscus and wear a brace and see how I do and this would be a couple of months recovery time.

When she asked which I wanted I explained I wanted to just be fixed completely.

So she thought about it and said she would prefer to do the minor because it would be easier quicker recovery time. She was concerned that with my diabetes I was at high risk to reject the acl (apparently from a cadaver) get an infection and have complications. She also wants me to have a greater range of motion on my knee. So we agreed that we would do a minor - she challenged me to lose 40 lbs so I can be stronger as I recover and go through my rehab. We will then see if I am not doing well she will feel better about doing the big surgery on me.

So this coming Thursday I am having surgery. I need someone to be with me the first nigh I am home by myself. Argh.

I came home from my friends house (SH) in Coronado yesterday afternoon. She helped me load my car and I drove home. Then AW helped me unload and took things up and then we went to TJ's to get some food and then we got back and we organized and cleaned up. Well I will be honest she did the cleaning. I did hang my clothes and put them away as well as changed my bed sheets.

My PT on Friday night was good and my therapist was pushing me. I rode the stationary bike for about 5 minutes and it hurt and I maneuvered around but somehow managed. I also told my therapist that I don't normally curse so If I did I was apologizing ahead of time.

This is also the 2nd day I woke up a sore throat so I am trying to stay healthy and not get sick. So  I am typing this as I am resting and thinking of taking a nap.

Also it wasn't so bad going up or down the stairs. I am slow and careful and now I will get through this....I can do ANYTHING!!!!

Knee Injured

November 27 I was rushing to get my car packed so I could leave right after work to see my family for the First night of Hanukkah. I am not sure what happened but I saw myself going straight down and screaming in pain and then laying on the landing between the 19 or so stairs and the 3 small steps. I knew it was my left leg and that nothing else was injured and wondered how long it would be until someone found me.

My neighbor across the walkway came out and I realized he didn't see me so as I said excuse me Jacob and he looked around I realized I had to say down here. Yes it was that kind of moment where you wonder is this really happening. So he helped me sit up and get things to my car and then told me to lean into him and when I did I fell back down screaming in pain. So we called the paramedics.

At the ER they did an Xray and explained it looked negative and to follow up with an orthopedic doctor. I called Scripps and the best they could schedule was 12/20 something. So I started calling other facilities and RB had 12.10 with Dr. Fellow

The day after Thanksgiving I called my PCP office and requested an MRI. This was a 2 week approval period.

On 12/10 I saw Dr Fellow and he referred to the physical therapy and scheduled a f/u appointment for 1/2/14. My MRI still had not been approved and he was going on vacation the following week.

On 12/16 my MRI was approved and I had it on 12/18.

I received in the mail my MRI results and this is what I read:

IMPRESSION
1. Complete anterior cruciate ligament tear with anterior translation of proximal tibia relative to distal femur, likely acute or subacute.
2. Osteochondral impaction fracture of the lateral condylopatellar sulcus and posterior aspect of the medial tibial plateau.
3. Radial tear of the posterior horn of medial meniscus.
4. Complete tear of the posterior horn of the lateral meniscus with radial component at the posterior horn posterior root ligament junction with 8mm meniscal flap adjacent to the popliteus ligament in the lateral femoral gutter.
5 Suspected medial patellofemoral ligament injury near the femoral attachment.
6. Poplitheofibular ligament appears laxed with edema at proximal tip of the fibula, likely reflecting injury.
7. Muscle strain of the soleus, lateral head of the gastrocnemius.
8. Large join effusion

1/2/14 I saw Dr. Fellow today and he is referring me to a surgeon to see if it is worth doing surgery. Is it worth it? Well I have a job and insurance right now so yes I think it is worth it. I also got fitted for a knee immobilizer but it wasn't the right size. Then they realized I really needed a custom knee brace. Fortunately one of the individuals who does this had stopped by to drop something off as the guy who works there is only there on Mondays and Wednesdays. She was able to find the paperwork and off we went to measure my knee. When I tried to make my appointment I found out the surgeon is only in RB on Tuesdays so the earliest I could see her was 2/4. I asked where else she worked and was told Torrey Pines. Once I got to my car I called there and I am being seen tomorrow.

I have learned a lot of things through this most recent challenge and I need to make some changes in my life and my mental attitude about me. So stay tune for the update on my knee tomorrow.

Happy New Year

It is the 2nd day of 2014 and I feel a bit optimistic tonight.

I haven't really felt like I could blog because I just wasn't feeling that I had anything great to share and I was thinking whether or not I really wanted to use my blog as a way to show my deepest inner thoughts and then I fell and had an injury which made me feel blah.

In 2014 I am going to be selfish. Yes, that is right I am going to be selfish. I am going to set a new work schedule where I only work until 6 on MWF and 5 on T and Th. I am off to a great start as I went into work at 9 and left at 3 today.

I will be working on healing my body from my most recent injury ( I fell on November 27 and now know that I have a torn ACL more information on another post as well as working on taking care of myself. I tend to put work first and friends and always seem to forget that I need to take care of me first.

So I wish you a Happy and Healthy 2014!!!