December 11 through 14

Friday, December 11 - Went out to lunch with CA to DCA.  Rented a wheelchair and pushed around.  So much fun at the Viva Navidad !  Ran into an old friend and met her cute daughter.

Saturday, December 12 - Attended CH's wedding.  I almost got knocked down by the bouquet as it hit me in the neck chest area.  I was not trying to catch it.

Sunday, December 13 - Attended the Christmas Musical Program in the evening.  Fun to see so many people I have known forever and not seen.

Monday, December 14 -Worked @ COI facility.  Fun to be out and working @ work.  A long day but I got cool gifts.

December 10

This blue chair helped me wash my blues away

1.  I slept until 9:45 am
2.  I took a real shower after 2 weeks and 2 days - since I now own a blue shower chair that I assembled all on my own in less than 10 minutes.  I felt like a new person and it washed away my blues.  Yes, I have been a little down the last few days.
3.  Did a small load of laundry all by myself (BH has been doing it for me the past two weeks when needed)
3.  Physical therapy was awesome - thanks for the idea to take some Tylenol beforehand
4.  Worked a full day
5.  In nightgown and in bed before 8 PM
6. I may or I may not get some Christmas cards done - I am kind of tired and need some Netflix time
7.  I blogged about today at the end of the day.

I feel accomplished, thanks to my blue chair.

Getting a shower chair reminded me what a blessing Visiting Teaching has been in my life!!!

As most of you know or maybe don't know, I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka The Mormons.

I started learning about the church when I was in junior high thanks to my dad.  I didn't join until many years later. 

One of the programs the church has is called Visiting Teaching, which is part of the women's organization commonly knows as the Relief Society.

Visiting teaching is an organized means whereby the women of the Church receive regular instructional and compassionate service visits-usually by personal contact in the home-from other female members of the Church. The purpose is to promote sisterhood, present inspirational messages, and note instances of need wherein the temporal and spiritual resources of the Church might be helpful.
The need for such visitors was recognized soon after the founding of the Relief Society in 1842. At the second meeting of the society on March 24, Emma Smith, wife of the Prophet Joseph Smith, suggested appointing persons to wait upon the poor. On July 28, 1843, a Necessity Committee of sixteen was named "to search out the poor and suffering, to call upon the rich for aid, and thus as far as possible, relieve the wants of all." The original functions of this committee were twofold: "to ascertain the condition of the families visited, and to accept contributions for charitable purposes" (General Board, 1942, pp. 43-44; 1966, p. 68).

I will be the first to admit Relief Society was not my favorite part of church but it certainly has become one of my favorite meetings because of great teachers like DAF, LJS, AW, SH, SW, JT, JFB, JAB, DAS, HWH, CW, ASH and oh so many more (I try not to use peoples name's on my blogs and often refer to them by initials so if you have been in a ward with me you are probably guessing away and you probably know some of them if you are reading this).  The picture on the top are some of the ladies who have known me since 1989 and are a few of the RS women that have taught me and hold a special place in my heart and the only reason I posted is because this pic has been on FB.

Last night I wont lie I was a bit sad as I realized how painful my PT was going to be - my inability to drive for a while.  So I reached out to my current visiting teacher DP.  She willingly offered to help me run errands to find a shower chair, Trader Joe's and give me a ride to church.  I met her gosh over 5 years ago when we both went to Girls Camp and her youngest daughter was in my cabin.  She has always been kind and I have watched her serve and be a great role model.  I now get to be a recipient of her willing spirit to serve and show me what we should really be like.  Most important these days - because of her service tonight I now get to take my first real shower in a little over two weeks.  THANK YOU DP!!

I don't know that I have always been the best at visiting teaching but I have tried my best.  I do know one thing some of my closest friends or individuals I look up to are because I have served them or they me and I think the quote below expresses my feelings about visiting teaching even better than this post.

“Visiting teachers sincerely come to know and love each sister, help her strengthen her faith, and give service. They seek personal inspiration to know how to respond to the spiritual and temporal needs of each sister they are assigned to visit. …

"The purposes of visiting teaching are to build caring relationships with each sister and to offer support, comfort, and friendship. In visiting teaching, both the giver and receiver are blessed and strengthened in their church activity by their caring concern for one another."  - Relief Society Handbook, 202.

Physical Therapy

Tuesday I woke up and had to prepare for a conference call for work and try to find a physical therapist.  I wanted and hoped to find someone close by that someone had used or that I may know.  Unfortunately, that was not in the cards.

I found someone and verified they had a contract with my insurance and scheduled an appointment for PT at 2 but needed to be there at 1:30 to do paperwork.  

Brenda to the rescue accepted the task to drive me probably a mile to the provider I found.  We arrived about 5 minutes early as they were out to lunch.  Once I got settled in we agreed she should come back around 3.

Leslie was my Physical Therapist and we talked - I was super nervous but she helped me relax.  We talked about what I was feeling, she did some testing etc.  Laying on my back I am at 20 degrees from being completely straight and flat.  She did some other examination and said my leg looked good as there was no swelling etc. So off we went with her assistant Matt.

We started with a warm blanket on my knee - it felt good and cozy.  Than the exercises and while I felt the pain I also felt frustration.  I knew the movement was very tight and not as good as it should be.  

• Calf Stretches painful.
• Quad set with a towel underneath and ankle pumps by far the easiest. 
• Heel slides at a seating position and against a wall were painful and frustrating. Self assisted slides were painful but easier since I could keep my other leg there pressuring it down.
• Half circles on stationary bike - I love riding a bike and as I sat there in pain doing these circles I wanted to cry but that also helped me want to just push myself.  

We finished with some icing and it felt good and it helped me reflect on the following things.

One of my other angels of service that was waiting to take me home - BH.  I have known her for at least 23 years.  My friend PL lived with her for a while and she is the mother of my friend DL  She helped us clean up a spare room when PL was moving out of her place and to the home I grew up in, she made Thanksgiving dinner for us one year when I had to work the day after and couldn't go to Vegas to be with family, and if I am not mistaken she went to my dad's funeral and as of recently opened her home to me and because of her saying I needed to just have my surgery done now while I was at her home (a ground apartment is hard to find in Redondo Beach) and she would help me that I am recuperating.  She has been very attentive and diligently put ice on my ice machine to keep my leg iced.  I am so grateful and I don't even know how I can ever begin to repay all she is doing for me.  Other than to continue to be a good friend to her and her family and help them whenever or wherever they are and need help.

Also as I sat there laying at the ceiling tiles I realized I was getting PT in the section of where one of the two theaters for the Cypress Family Twin Cinema.  I grew up going there when I was a little girl and there were no Regal or Edwards; and if there was I was not aware because that was just the theater you went to when you lived in Cypress.  So as much as my hometown has grown - it was once a small town and as big as it is people who are long time residents still have that small town friendliness. 

Although I felt truly blessed I did get a bit discouraged and overwhelmed but that quickly turned around.

POST OP appointment 12/7/2015

I woke up early Monday morning and started to get cleaned up and ready to go, only to realize I would be ready about three hours before my ride would be here.  So what to do?  go back to bed.

I finally left around 10:15 am when one of my many amazing friends came to drive me to UCLA.  MBN was kind enough to drop me off and pick me up for my surgery.  Mind you this amazing, lady lives in Aliso Viejo which is about 40 miles south of Cypress.  I have known her since high school and met her in a math class.  I remember I enjoyed knowing her than and we would do silly things and laugh in that class.  We may not be teenagers but we sure do laugh.  I was simply in awe that she offered to take me.  We were talking and she offered and said it's on my calendar and it was settled.

One of the first stops was to go pick up some treats for the nursing staff.  We went to the Great Dane Bakery but just so you know it is closed on Mondays.  So we were going to head over to Edible Arrangements but we weren't sure about traffic so we opted to just head up to UCLA.  I was like a little kid on a car ride sitting in the back seat.  Proof that I was back there soaking in the sun and taking pictures and just staring out the window.

We arrived at UCLA in about an hour or less; MBN assures me she was going 65 or less. We decided we would park in the emergency patient drop off and pick up while she took the thank you cards to the two nurses who took care of me pre and post op.  

When we drove up we drove right past the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity house that has provided such great service to 12 year old Lexi Brown (Lexi has sacorma and the cancer has spread to her lungs). They responded to a sign on her window requesting pizza and she had no idea what great service she would receive

When I saw the house, I did get that warm feeling of imagining how much the service this fraternity has done for Lexi and probably touched her heart in a way we can only imagine. As I type I am getting teary eyed. Her name is on the roof of the house and I saw it which gave me chills.  I finally can say I saw one of the places that is part of a viral FB post. Most important it is a reminder and lesson to me and others - no matter how scary things are in the world we live in - if some young college fraternity boys can be kind - why can't we? Michelle came back and told me while she didn't get to hand the cards to the nurses - they were both there and the lady at the front desk went back to provide it to them.  

We then headed to our final stop the medical plaza.  We still had an hour so we had lunch at the UCLA grill.  It was fun to watch people.

Appointment time well they took the brace off and the dressing (which was gross) and he started to remove the stitches.  I tried to watch but opted to lie back down and wait. This what I saw when the dressing was removed.  The fellow said my leg looked good.  I didn't have much flexibility but it looked good with no swelling. 

Dr. Hame came in a few minutes later and showed me my pics of my knee.  They are kind of cool.  She tested my bending another way and I did much better.  She started to ask me about degrees and I told her I didn't know I needed to increase the degrees to which she said yes 5 every day.  I looked at her funny and said how.  That is when we realized I did not go home with a CPM machine.  I was very sad to learn I cant drive for a while.  I was given my RX for PT and asked to come back in 4 weeks.  Oh the fellow also said i was doing better than average since I can hold my leg up.

One Week

I haven't been as diligent about blogging because nothing is really happening.

Saturday - I was lost on my days.

Sunday - I cleaned up, tore the bedding down - Brenda made bed with new clean sheets; had visitors:  Wendy, Sharon, Cindy and my new home teachers.  A lot of laughing and mind you I had not washed my hair since Tuesday morning.  See different sheets.

Monday - nothing worth excitement.  Worked remotely in the evening.

Today - Worked remotely.  Lisa came over and washed my hair YAY!!!  See leg looks the same and my hair looks clean.

Friday, November 27

Photo of my leg now on the left and the initial day of injury two years ago in the ER.

As you can see the posts are shorter.

Today I woke up at the same dreaded 4 am time and went back to sleep.  I think I finally got up at 9 and had some yogurt.  

I took some Tylenol.  

Watched a marathon of Bones.

Wanted to go to sleep at 4 but thought that would be a bad idea.

Lisa brought me a grilled cheese sandwich and we did an overview of LDS temples and then she went home.  It was nice to have someone visit. 

I went to bed shortly afterwards but had a hard time falling asleep.  I seriously thought I could take a percocet to sleep but I thought that would be dumb. 

I managed to sleep until about 6 am and then just layed in bed dozing in and out of sleep. until this morning.

This is a memory from MCL surgery

Thursday, November 26 - Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year.  Why?  Well, it is the only holiday my immediate family and I have in common as they are Jewish and I am Christian.  It is a day to be with them, laughing, shaking heads at silly jokes, enjoying each others contributions to the feast and the company of family and friends.  I knew having this surgery would keep me from partaking of this holiday this year because I would miss this but getting healthier at this time is even more important and I did miss them.

I woke up and felt fine less groggy and hungry.  I had yogurt for breakfast.

I did not feel any pain so I skipped the Tylenol and just rested.  I think this is the day I blogged I can't recall to be honest.  

Brenda had ordered Thanksgiving dinner from the Katella Deli and she picked it up at 12:30.  I think we made sure I had all my needs taken care of as we were not sure how long she may be gone.  

That afternoon I had some yummy mashed potatoes and stuffing and turkey.   I did decide to take some Tylenol as well.

I felt good and just kind of let myself rest and sleep and eat.  I am appreciative of all of those friends who checked in on me with texts asking if I needed anything or inviting me over for dinner or games that evening.  How lucky I am to have so many individuals who are so kind hearted.  

Wednesday, November 25th

I wish I had kept blogging yesterday but it really tired me out to think what happened what day it was etc and to tell you the truth I am struggling keeping track of the days.  Relaxation will do that to you.

Will do my best to recall.

I woke up around 4 am and though I had to go to the bathroom but had agreed I would text Brenda when I needed to go so I told myself it was too early and to go to back to sleep.  I fell asleep and 1/2 an hour later I really had to go.  I turned the light on and looked and thought I don't want to wake her up and I know I can do this.  So off I went to the bathroom.  I did it but I also managed to make my underwear wet.  It is a challenged to get them down my left leg as my brace is thigh high.  So what's a girl to do but remove and hand wash.  

Then get to another clean pair and put them on.  Now that was interesting but I did it.  I crawled back in bed a bit tired and it was now 5:15 am.  I felt accomplished and went back to sleep.  

I woke up later and Brenda was checking on me and I told her about my conquest and she reminded me I needed to text her as I couldn't just take off and do it on my own.  I spoke with my brother Ken that morning and same lecture about making sure I took my percocet and didn't just do things on my own.  

I also reflected on how two years ago I had fallen and the knee became my handicap.  I was blessed then with caring family and friends in San Diego and now it continues in Cypress.

I have to be honest I still had motion sickness.  If I got up too quick or moved suddenly without thinking I would throw up a little.  I was more thirsty than hungry.

I slept on and off most of the day.  I felt super groggy after taking percocet and by the late evening didn't feel like I needed it anymore.  I went to bed that night without taking my night dosage.  Brenda talked about cutting one capsule in half but I felt confident I was good and my discharge papers said I could take as needed so I didn't need. 

I was touched by how many friends wanted to come by and bring me anything I may need or just visit.  Having three surgeries behind me, I now know how to prepare so I have no immediate needs in the first few days and I am a lazy sleepy head as well.  Yet I am appreciative of those  dear friends who wanted to come by and keep me company - don'r forget I took a rain check for next week when I am more alert.

Mardi , Novembre 24 Partie deux

I remember seeing 3:15 on a wall when I was groggy as I heard someone say hearing everything went ok and how did I feel.  I think it was Yoon.  

I slipped in and out of sleeping and when I was fully awake they asked me how I felt.  I said I felt fine.  They asked if I wanted them to order me dinner.  I said no thank you and asked for some ice chips.

I was asked if I felt like I could go home or did I want to stay and if Michelle was still here.  I said I felt fine and could go home but we would have to call Michelle to see if she could come get me.  I also asked for some jell-o and they brought me my favorite flavor - Cherry!!!

They called Michelle and she told them she was back in Aliso Viejo so she would leave there when traffic settled and would be back around 8 - 8:30pm.  

They came to tell me and I said OK.  I asked for a bed pan and that was epic failure.    

Shortly after they transferred me to the area where people are waiting to be discharged.  My nurse there was David from the UK.  

He checked my vitals and offered me some food and I asked for more jell-o which was yummy.  They were checking my vitals and I felt nausea and my jell-o came back up.  I wasn't sure why but I was upset at the mess I made.  So he and another lady helped me change my gown.  David asked me if I was sure that I felt good to go home.  I told him I felt fine and did - but did he think I should stay.  He said my vitals were good although my bp was a little high and I didn't have a fever.  So I asked for some ice chips to suck on.  

He gave me some medicine for nausea and I felt fine.  We were talking back and forth and I learned Yoon is not only an OR nurse but a realtor.  He helped David buy his apartment (I think he meant condo) unless he purchased an apartment building.  Anyways, he was impressed that I recognized his accent as British and high five me.  I explained I had been to London and worked for a Brit for the last 4.5 years.  

I asked to go to the bathroom and they wheeled me there.  When I came back out Michelle was there with my crutches but I got back in the bed.  They sent Michelle to get my RX and I waited.  I told them I had motion sickness and threw up a little bit of the ice but felt fine.  I still had no fever and David again if I was sure about going home.  I responded that I was and asked him if he was concerned about me going home and if he thought I should stay.  He said no, he just wanted to make sure I was sure I was ok.  I told him I felt fine but that moving fast made me motion sick for some reason and going home now with less traffic would be be better than on Wednesday.

He gave me some med for nausea and more liquids - he was concerned tI didn't have enough fluids.  So we waited.  We went over my discharge papers with Michelle there and I asked to go to the bathroom.  I asked if I could use my crutches and they asked me if I was sure....I responded I have to be able to use them before you let me leave so this can be my test so we all giggled and off I went.  It seemed so far away but I made it.  When I was done David was waiting for me with a wheelchair.  He said I was good with the crutches no lesson needed.  I stayed in the chair and they gave me two 325 mg percocet.  Which made me drowsy and they waited and then a bit later I was let go.  I thanked David for his help and told him I was glad he chose to vacation here for two months with a nursing gig and decided to stay so that I was able to meet him as my nurse.  

So I was wheeled down to the valet parking area and we didn't have to pay full price for parking - one of the men who wheeled me down hooked us up with a discounted rate,  I got in the backseat of Michelle's car from the passenger side and it was comfortable and off we went.  

I have to say I have had the best experiences with nurses in my 4 surgeries.

The drive was not light.  There was traffic and I did wake up when we passed the area of LA that had its 20% chance of rain which sounded beautiful but concerned me about getting out of the car in rain on crutches.

We arrived at Brenda's at almost 11 PM.  Michelle and Brenda helped get me setup in bed and I was out.  

I received many text messages that day from the few people that knew I was doing this and I am so appreciative and blessed to have family and friends that are so willing to help me get better.  

Tuesday, November 24th surgery day - Part 1

I took the week off as vacation.  Not many people at work knew surgery was scheduled for Tuesday.  Yes, I was superstitious.  I don't know why either. 

I had a hard time falling asleep and didn't rest much.  I woke up showered, put my sheets in the washer and before I knew it my ride Michelle was here.  I said bye to Brenda and we were off to UCLA.  Although my surgery was not until 1 pm they wanted me to check in at 10:30 am.  The 405 had light traffic and we were in the carpool lane.  We arrived at 10:24 AM and valet parked.
  
It is a beautiful building and so clean and bright.  I had butterflies in my stomach as we walked in and Michelle joked about how fancy it was with valet parking and how it felt like a Vegas casino.  Minus the smoke.  We checked me in and I felt really nervous and had nausea so they gave me a barf bag which I did use.  

They asked us to go to the 2nd floor where we were asked to take a seat and shortly thereafter we were told we would need to wait in the waiting room downstairs until they were ready for us.  I felt nausea again so I went to the bathroom and we sat down and I am sure I dozed off as I was so tired.  My phone rand  heard them call my name and they said I could go back upstairs so off we went.  

We waited a couple of minutes and they came to get us and put me in bed 19.  My nurse was Bryan - yes, he was young and good looking.  I was asked to put on my gown and slippers.   Was told I had to pee in a cup and I explained I had just gone so not sure how that would work and if was necessary.  Bryan explained that they needed to do a pregnancy test to ensure I was not pregnant.  I smiled and said I had a hysterectomy in 2012 so I am pretty sure that as good as I am; there is no way I am pregnant.  He smiled and said yes, you're right pretty unlikely.  

Dr. Wong (resident anesthesiologist) came in and we went throught the same spill about the anesthesia process and I signed my release etc.  Than Dr. Hame came in and she was so friendly and asked how I was so I told them both how I was so nervous and that I threw up downstairs.  They both smiled and told me I was in good hands and I didn't need to worry.  Than a group of residents came in as they were going to give me a regional anesthesia to block the pain in that area.  It was quite interesting that the main doctor to do this was doing so while they took my BP so I knew it was going through the roof.  The main doctor for this was a true gentleman and considerate as I would be exposing part of my privates and he kept asking to make sure the curtain was closed.  I said it was fine if they residents needed to learn and experience I didn't mind but he said he did. 

The anesthesiologist seemed a bit bothered that people just kept coming in and out and asked me to guess how long before someone else came in.  I said 30 seconds,  My surgery nurse than came in Yoon shortly after that and we laughed.

Yoon was apologetic and I told him it was fine that I didn't care he was going to be there during surgery and would be seeing a lot of me   I also told him and Bryan that I was glad they were my nurses.  They seemed surprised and I explained that I worked in Human Resources and I always felt it was great to hire engineers that were not males but rather females.  So I was glad to see that my staff was going to be a male team - they then said but Dr. Hame is a female.  I responded yeah, but look at all the males supporting her - which they laughed and Bryan gave me a high 5.  

I was rolled into the OR and I could hear them sawing something which I can only imagine was my ACL from a cadaver - I don;t know but maybe I will remember to ask.  I don't recall much but I do remember them wheeling me back to the post op area and feeling groggy.  

How I got to where I am today.

As many of you know on Wednesday, November 26th, 2013 I fell down my stairs while getting ready for Thanksgiving weekend.  I tore my ACL, MCL and some other tendons. The pain was nothing I had experienced before and I was hoping for a broken leg but it was not so.  I was fortunate that I had a friend who offered to drive me to Palm Desert to have thanksgiving with my family.  It was nice to be around my family and friends but I felt so useless and in the way.  I came home a day early which meant I left during my brother's 60th birthday celebration.

On January 7, I had my MCL repaired, but the surgeon quickly realized I probably should have had the ACL repaired as there was more damage that that was not visible in the MRI.
 So we opted to wait.  And we waited as my work schedule was hectic in preparing for ISO14001 recertification and OHSAS 18001 certification.  I accomplished these in October 2014.  The opportunity to transfer back to the aerospace division happened and so I left San Diego the last weekend in April 2015.

I began training with a trainer and loved working out.  However, my knee was blowing up in pain as I worked out harder , walked longer distances from my car to the office and around the building and back to my car and I finally knew I had to get it fixed.

I met with Dr. Sharon Hame (She was recommended to me by my previous surgeon Dr. Laura Alberton).  We did an exam - which I must say my knee ached afterwards- did an MRI the following day and we were going to schedule surgery.

Halloween weekend I opened and e-mail from UCLA that my surgery was scheduled for November 4.  Which gave me very little time to get ready for surgery.  I called everyone that was on my surgery team and we planned.  As luck would have it on Tuesday, I woke up congested, with aches and thought ok sleep a little longer - no such luck surgery was cancelled.  I was asked if the Friday or Tuesday before Thanksgiving would work for rescheduling and I said Friday would be best but I will do whatever day works best for everyone.  I learned shortly it would be on Tuesday - not the best day but in other ways it seemed right.

Not the best because I knew it would not work well with family thanksgiving day celebrations.  Best because I would be doing the surgery one year short to the day of two years of my accident.  So the next few blogs will be my journey.

Five Problems with Social Media

This month I have a goal to blog every day about a specific topic.  

So here we go.

Most of us have an account on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.  I opened my Facebook account when my oldest nephew and niece were in college so I could keep up on what was happening in their lives.  It was fun and now well it is nice and it has been a very helpful tool as I am planning my high school reunion with some fabulous classmates.  

Problem #1 - Addiction:  Once Smartphones became widely available did you notice how dumb we became (ok maybe it is just me).  I would carry my phone all the time in case I received a text or a phone call.  Than with a Smartphone if I was waiting for something or someone or worse yet bored; I would just check my Facebook and maybe even share where I was (Four Square).  I had to earn some badges and be a leader among my friends for that week.
So one thing I have done is that I don't have Messenger on my phone.  Why?  I want to be in the moment with whomever I am at that particular time.  I want to give them my attention and be respectful of their time.  
While I no longer have a Four Square account I occasionally check in on FB but only after I have left the place I check in.

Problem #2 - Post without a Thought:  Notice how sometimes you will see a friend who posts inappropriate comments or post that are just TMI?  Would we really say that to a room full of strangers?  I think not.  With that said I have posted things and even blogged and thought what was I thinking  I also have commented to posts out of frustration or just silliness and sometimes it is no big deal and other times I think - What were you thinking?

Problem #3 - Making ourselves vulnerable to burglars or stalkers or worse.  I will not tag pictures of friends because maybe they don't want the picture to be seen because they don't like it or whatever.  I also do not post my friends kids names on my posts or comments.  I refer to them by their initials or first name initial.  I am shocked when I see parents who post the picture of their kids and you can see the school name etc and it is open for the public to see.  
I know and here I said in #1 how I would post where I was what I was doing etc.  

Problem #4 - Anyone can find you.  I was contacted at work a while back by the Department of Justice.  I was nervous as to why the DOJ would be looking for me so I told them I was working and needed to end a call and I would be right back.  The agent found me via Linkedin.  He wanted to know if I could be a witness for a hearing on a case he had worked on.  This made me realize that if an agent could find me - who else can find me?  So I have tried to make my profiles as private as possible.  However, once you put something out on the Internet it's out there.

Problem #5 - Disagreements.  It is so hard to communicate with individuals sometimes by e-mail so it only gets worse by social media.  We tweet rather than call and announce our news to our family and friends.  While we think we are making sure everyone knows; sometimes individuals would prefer a personal call or completely misunderstand the post.

Don't get me wrong I like social media it helps me keep in touch with family and friends throughout the world.  Yet I wonder - what is out there about me that I don't know.

25 days

I have my ACL surgery.  Which is something I have been putting off because of work and moving etc.  My previous surgeon at La Jolla Scripps - Laura Alberton was amazing but since I now live up in OC she referred me to two doctors.  

I picked Dr, Sharon Hame and was able to see her on 9/28.  The appointment was a bit intimidating as I have been having pain at the end of the day just from being at work.  I am sure I may have twisted it or something bug wondered what if it is all in my imagination.  A student from UCI or resident that was doing a rotation at UCLA came in and met me and did and examination and apparently I had a hard time relaxing my knee.  I finally did and he did his exam and there was some pain and he left saying he would be back with Dr Hame. 

They then came in and we talked about my injury , my surgery and what I was experiencing.  She then examined my knee and did a few different things and some kind of hurt. She said we would need to do an MRI so she knows what we need to fix.  As I waited for the nurse to come in with the paperwork a resident came in and asked if he could check my knee as Dr. Hame had asked him to see me;back on the table I went and had it checked.  I might add one of the ways Dr. Hame checked it was with it off the table, placing it against the table to see how it moved.  Although it hurt it also showed my knee is not good - yay i was not imagining.

So my MRI was done the next day.  I don't know what the MRI showed but I did hear back from her office this week after playing phone tag to get let me know the first available surgery date was 11/5/15.  I of course was a bit surprised and caught off guard but said OK I will take it.    

The next two weeks will be busy and I am going to be getting ready. I am nervous as I saw a picture of someones leg who had the same surgery and yet still had problems and had to have a complete knee replacement.  I also thought of the lady in my old ward who also had issues.

So there you have it my 4th time having surgery and I will probably do more blogging during this time.

Discovering more about where I was born

On March 20 something (a few days before my birthday)in 1997 I found out I was adopted.  I didn't find out the conventional way where your parents sit you down and tell you.  I found out through the course of reading a deposition where an individual chose to make some statements.  One of them being that I was adopted but my parents never wanted me to know.

As I reflect on this event I realize that this individual had a choice to honor a secret she had been trusted with.  She knew this would hurt me and chose to just lay it out there where I would see it in black and white and not have second thoughts.

Ironically this same individual had hinted about this in June of 1996.  I thought she was talking about my stepdad adopting me.  I said something about oh yeah, I know he didn't adopt me.  She followed it up with - oh you don't know.  I thought it was an odd statement which bothered me enough to call one of my mom's sister who was in Europe and my cousin that I spoke with told me that was nonsense.

So when I read those words in 1997, I once again dialed my aunt's number and she answered.  We had some small talk and then I asked her.  There was silence.  As soon as she started to speak and say "I don't know how to tell you this"  I said "It's OK your silence said it all".  She quickly told me how my mom loved me more than anything in the world and it was a different time and it didn't matter if I was adopted because I was her daughter.  So far not that devastating right?  OK maybe a little, but the thing that sent me over the edge was having a cousin who is 9 months younger than me call to check on me and than ask me why I didn't ask her ?  When I asked why, and if she knew; she responded "yes, since I was little but we were not allowed to tell you.  That was it I felt my life had been a lie and everybody knew but me.

It was hard because of other events surrounding this and also knowing there was nobody I could ask questions.  My mom had already passed away, my stepdad had also passed away and the man I thought was my biological father - well I haven't seen him since I was about 12 years old.  

This was probably a dark period in my life but that's another story.

Fast forward to 2015.  I have never had the desire to find my biological parents.  I think because I recognize that it would be difficult since I had no leads and nobody wanted to talk about it.  Recently I shared this story with some friends and the next day I learned a little bit more about my adoption.

As I was about to hear this, I could feel my heart beating a little bit faster and thinking - get ready you are about to find out who gave you life and started tearing up.  Then I heard how my parents had tried for years to have a child but had no success but a person had a baby they wanted to give up for adoption.  My parents than went off to pick me up.  At first this individual didn't remember where they had to go. 

I then shared with them about how I thought maybe I was from the town where my mom had been a teacher.  I had recalled that at least two times we went to visit this family of one of her students.  I never really knew why or maybe she didn't tell me; but I remember thinking it was odd and they made a fuss over our visit.  I also remember that I once found a picture of their family - at least I thought that then but I am unsure where the picture is and maybe I am confused.

Anyways, I now know I was born in or somewhere near Orizaba, Veracruz. 

I still remain grateful for my parents and consider them my parents and I still don't have a strong desire to try to find my birth parents but I am a little more curious as to what the circumstances where and if there was a connection with that family we visited.

I am contemplating if I should do some research but I have not clue what I would do.  I mean my birth certificate has my adoptive parents on it so it's not like I can go look for one.  I suppose I could go to this town but that would be difficult to find someone and I wouldn't know what to say or who to ask. 

So if you have any suggestions - let me know.  I don't want to spend a lot of money but maybe it would be worth learning more about who my ancestors are.

South Bay Trainer

OK so this post is going to be a hard one to write but I think I need to do it.  It is hard, because it is about a personal challenge I have dealt with during my adult life.  Fat, obesity, out of shape call it whatever you would like; it is a real struggle for some people, one of them being me.

I was not an out of shape or fat kid growing up.  I rode my bike all over the place and even did so in my early young adult years.  Than I became more sedentary and I also learned to do emotional eating.

I have done Phen Phen, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Nutri-System, Take Shape for Life and worked with many trainers.  

I have had successful weight loss and managed to keep it off for a while but sometimes I am just not comfortable with the attention it brings.  So eventually I just gain it back because I stop  being active or life was just stressful.

When I moved to San Diego in 2011, I vowed to myself I would become more physically active and lose some weight.  Well that had to be put on hold because I was notified by my physician that I was seriously anemic and to not work out. 

Once that obstacle was over I was too stressed out at work with audits and new responsibilities.  Unhealthy meal choices are always readily available and more convenient so I continued to bad choices for convenience and there was not time to exercise.

In early 2013 I had gall bladder issues and soon recovered from that and started to think about making a change.  However, the day before Thanksgiving that year I fell down a few steps which was probably due to my ACL going out ( I had been having knee pain and a few seconds before I feel - I thought ok next week I need to have my knee checked.  It is a blessing that I didn't fall from the top and that the fall did not result in a serious injury.  

As I started my PT after my surgery in 2014 I was excited to be able to ride a stationary bike and enjoyed going to the gym to ride but I was intimidated of really working out.  I was at my heaviest and knew how to workout but I lacked confidence because of the weight I had reached.  I didn't want people to see me or worse yet be the pun of a joke or a thought - girl, you need to be here all day.  


On May 4th I returned to our Torrance site for a new position.  I have less responsibilities (but I am willing to step up to the plate when needed) and I am doing a job that I really enjoy.  

I decided it was time to put myself and my health first..  A couple of days after I got settled in at my office I kept thinking I needed to get a trainer. I looked at the prices of 24 hour fitness (I donate generously each year without using their services, because one day I will be back) and thought OK I can afford this but not long term and I need a trainer for a long term to keep me accountable.  I began doing some research on Yelp and started looking for trainers.near my office.  I called a few but I got the best positive feeling about South Bay Trainer.  I made an appointment to meet with the owner Josh.

I wont lie, my insecurities kicked in as I went in to meet him but they quickly faded. I met with his wife and she shared with me why he was doing what he did for a living. The way I saw him interacting with his clients he came across as energetic, supportive, compassionate and someone who was doing something he enjoyed - helping others become healthier or more fit.  

I have been going there since mid May, my weight loss hasn't been as steady as I would like it to be but I feel better physically.  I am the only one to blame for the slow weight loss and maybe that is a topic for another posting.  So on the days when I am exhausted and the last thing I want to do is go work out at 7 pm or later, I do it!  Yes, there have been times I started driving home and I turn right around to get my work out in.  

Why? 

Because South Bay Fitness is not your typical gym where an out of shape overweight individual will be intimidated by women who have worked hard at having a fit body and somehow manage to not have a hair out of place or be sweating.  Or with buff men grunting and slamming down the weights.  Don't get me wrong I am not bashing but just trying to get you to visualize what some of you may have seen and it has kept you from going to the gym.  .

What I do see in the evenings (and you will too if you go) is the following.  I am cheerfully greeted by Josh and any member of his staff.  I smile and sometimes laugh when I hear Tylor dancing or busting out the lyrics to a song.  Terrion the MMA fighter is super nice but I have yet had the privilege to work out with him, and Amanda who makes me work on my balance and tells me I will thank her making me do so.  Eventually you will see familiar faces that may go around the same days and time as you.  You will talk and laugh with each other and encourage each other and moan at how hard they are working us.  Basically It is a friendly and healthy community that is made up of all ages, nationalities, and all walks of life. that give South Bay Trainer a positive energy of support and encouragement.  

So when you see me check in at South Bay Fitness on Facebook, it is not because I am showing off..It is more to remind myself of my workouts and keep focused of how far I have come in slowly committing myself to working out.  

So if you are in the South Bay area and you are looking for a positive place to work out go check it out.  If you are like me and are intimidated to take that BIG step to get back in a gym don't be.  If you are not in the South Bay area just know that there is another Josh out there who has built a community to help you get in shape.   

I was not asked to write this by anyone.  It is something I have thought about blogging about and tonight I felt inspired to do so.  I don't know why maybe just to give someone a bit of encouragement and hope. Who doesn't want to share something great that they have found in their life.  I have found South Bay Trainer and for me it is a great place to go and want people to know about this amazing place.  

#southbaytrainer
http://southbaytrainer.com/

Ava Mae

This past month my long time friends mother passed away.  Cathy is one of my friends that I have known for the longest time (we met in the playground at Cawthon).  

Growing up we were inseparable and spent hours riding our bikes around Cypress, Buena Park and Anaheim - or maybe not.  In other words we did, but we were not supposed to do that. We are now adults and in our own worlds but I still cherish the friendship and the memories we created in our youth.

This past month Ava (Cathy's mom) passed away.  It was not unexpected but as with any person's passing it was surprising.  

Fortunately I was able to attend the Rosary the night before her service but from the time I received the text that she had passed I just had a flood of memories and feeling come over me.  

As I remembered her driving us to catechism, Skateway or wherever else we wanted or needed to go.  She was the one person that took me to play Bingo at St I for the first time.  For some reason, I also can remember her saying " Now, girlls" just to get our attention.  I also remember the year she bought us matching sweatshirts for Christmas   As we got older she would call us and ask us to go help her at whatever store she was working and needed help (she was a manager for Jack in the Box).  So thanks to those cleaning days I refuse to eat there.  I've cleaned those grills no way am I eating there because I know neither Cathy or I are cleaning them.

It was nice to be there and recall all those memories and the kindness this family offered me in my youth.  It also surprised me at how I truly mourned all over again for my mom.  A couple of weeks before that another good friends dad had passed and I was surprised at how it impacted me and maybe that was just to prepare me for this event.  

So no matter what you may believe about life - I just want you to know that I know we will see those who have passed before us again.  I know they are watching over us and no longer in pain.  Yes, it is sad for us as we are separated for a short while but we will be together again.  

Oh and for a couple of hours I was once again spending time with my childhood friend once again - hopefully bringing her some comfort during this trying time and feeling gratitude for having had her and her family in my life.

What's going on?

I am not quite sure why but I just haven't made blogging a priority. Sure, I think of great things I can write about when I am driving to work and there's an abandoned RV from the 70's on Lomita creating traffic.  Or when I am laughing at some random text or email from a friend.  Yet I come online and I have noting.  Yeap, you read that right nothing to write.

So let me summarize my life as best as I can:

Work - I am enjoying my new position.  Less stress, less late hours, and no company cell phone.  Mind you my boss is gone this coming week so I worked until 8:30 pm on Friday night and have a presentation to do on Wednesday yikes!

Gym time - when my work day ends around 6ish on Mondays, Wednesdays and noonish on Fridays I head to South Bay Trainer.  I train with Josh and he is great.  He pushes me but we also have fun with the different trainers singing, dancing, or taking about sensitivity training.  I am not achieving the goals I had hoped to accomplish by now but I feel better and I am enjoying working out.

Church - well I can officially say that I have not had what I call a true full time calling for about a year.  Sure I was a primary substitute teacher and a temple prep class in my last ward but that ended last November.  I stopped working at the San Diego temple last April; so yeah I have a lot of free time.  It feels odd but it is also kind of nice.  I am in a family ward (C1) and it is OK.  A lot of new faces and a lot of familiar and time has not stopped.  Young kids I taught in primary are now in high school, kids I taught in Sunday school or Young Women are married and having children.  I tend to go to the singles ward as well as that is where I get the social aspect of church life.  As well as it provides me with possibilities to see San Diego friends.

Travel - no real trips to speak off and I have not been to Vegas since May.  So I am thinking my goal that went from every month to 2 times each quarter has come to a complete halt.  I am going on my third cruise and while it will only be a weekend cruise I know it will be a lot of fun..

Reconnecting - I am enjoying seeing long time friends I have not seen in a while now that I am back in OC,  While it is great to be back and see long time friends  it is also odd to know some of my dearest friends are no longer living in OC much less CA.  Oh, and I do miss San Diego.  Probably the sweetest thing that has occurred while I have been back is that my friend son's R stayed here for a week.  Every night he would keep an eye on the street and when I came home he was waiting for me on the sidewalk.  He would greet me, offer to carry my gym bag and ask me about my day.  That is probably one of my tender memories created this summer.  Having kids around is SweeT!  

ACL - still no surgery.  I am trying to find a new surgeon so this week I am following up to see if they have received my medical records so I can make an appointment.  I really want to get this done but as I have been reading up on it I have to be honest and say I am a bit worried about the recovery time.

Disney - I bit the bullet and bought a pass to Disneyland.  This place brings me happiness.  It reminds me of going there with my mom and just having fun.  I went on the hottest most humid day of August and melted.  As we walked around I thought of the many times I have been there.  I also kept thinking the first time I went to Disneyland was probably around August with my mom and dad when I was maybe 5.  So it made me happy with my choice to buy a pass and just enjoy the Magic Kingdom.

Reunion - so apparently next year I have a high school reunion.  I am going to help plan it again.  So if any of you have great ideas as to what has been a fun reunion for you please please let me know.

Family - Well we are all over the place.  N is in Gerogia and has started her junior year in college, S is living in Marina Del Rey, L is in Santa Barbara or Davis, K&E are in Palm Desert and I am floating trying to figure things out.  My family in Mexico is also scattered all over.  We keep in contact by FB or email.  

So there you have it a small glimpse into my life.    

Oh, as for that RV it really was blocking the Northbound traffic on Lomita on my way to work one morning.  On my way home that night - it was blocking the street going Southbound.  Weird.  It made me realize I need to carry my camera with me so I can document and post the pictures and maybe that will get me blogging.

My heart aches a little tonight for a family that has been a great influence in my life.

So today was a busy day at work - when isn't it?  I have been in training for two days and have stayed later than usual to respond to e-mails and get some tasks done once I am done as tomorrow is my Friday.

I try not to be on social medial during work hours and today was a perfect day of not doing this.  I arrived home and sat in exhaustion and thought time to get in bed and relax.  Which was promptly followed by... I need to check FB!!

The first post was from one of my friends who along with her parents, siblings and extended family, I credit and consider one of the greatest influences in my life.  They are the Browns.  The post I saw was posted around 7ish DST; I am in CA and it read:  

Today I lost my hero. I know it's all part of the plan but it's still hard to say goodbye to the man who taught me everything. I'm grateful that he taught me that families are forever. I know I will see my dad again. I know that while we mourn a great reunion is taking place in heaven. I love you Dad! You are my hero!

As I read this and tried to absorb what I read, my phone quickly updated with more feeds and I found myself in shock, gratitude and sudden sadness for a couple of reasons.  

The first being that I never really had the opportunity to tell Byron (Barney) Brown ho thankful I was for the way he chose to live his life, raise his children and how warmly he welcome me not only into his home but into his family.  

I loved spending time at their home on San Marino Drive in Buena Park.  He would greet me and ask me how I was doing and we would chat.  He would tell me stories about what was going on; or share something to just build my testimony about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or how he met his wife, their courtship, how they married, how the Cypress Stake came to be and just anything.  All these stories helped me set goals and have appreciation for many things.

I have been thinking for a couple of years that I wanted to go visit him and tell him and his wife Helen (Breezy) the above.  I almost had a chance when I visited TX a few years ago but as luck would have it, they were in CA visiting family  

The second was more for not being able to be close by to this dear family and be of service to them and my dear friend Liz.  

Well she and her family were there for me when my mother passed away and were there again a couple of years later when my step dad passed away.  

I have never forgotten the feeling of comfort Byron, Breezy, Liz and their son in law Joe gave me on that Sunday morning on December 26 almost 22 years ago.  A few days later, Liz and her nieces and nephews and I went to a YSA dance to celebrate NYE. Members of the family checked on me, gave me words of encouragement and  comforted me that night. 

Tonight, as I felt tears streaming down my face, I looked at the time and realized Liz may or may not be sleeping as it was almost 8:30 DST making it close to 11 TX time.  Honestly who sleeps on days like this but just in case she was I didn't want to disturb her.  I thought of posting on her FB status but I couldn't do it.  Why?  Because, I really wanted to be there for her like she was for me when I lost my parents.  

So I opted to text and quickly got a call back.  And you know she was her father's daughter being positive and comforting me. 

As we talked we recalled different times I had been to her home and just acts of service her father did such as bearing his testimony to me, telling me stories about church history, his life, and even coming to get a gun out of a dresser drawer we came across when cleaning my dad's stuff (which really wasn't a gun but rather a BB gun).  He laughed and told me it was ok and he was glad I felt I could ask him for help.  Yes, that is the kind of man Barney was to me:  Someone unselfish and willing to serve others.  

He instilled the values of working hard, serving and gratitude not only in his children but in those who came to know him. 

I am sort of ready to go to TX for a quick trip.  I want the Brown family to know how much I love them and I am grateful for them.  My heart aches a little, because I am not nearby to serve and support them but also because I too will miss this man who has been a great influence in my life and I never had a chance to tell him what an impact he had on my life. 
  
Thank you Barney for being a part of my life - you lived your life well and left an amazing legacy behind that will impact many lives in a positive way.  I am sure my mom is probably meeting you and thanking you for welcoming me into your home and being a positive influence to me after she left this mortal life. 

To those who managed to get through this, babbling thank you for reading and I encourage you to let those around you know how grateful you are for them.  Strive to be the kind of person that will be a positive influence on those that come in contact with you.  Be the example that Byron "Barney" Brown was to those who had the privilege to meet him.