Catch My Breath Results in Gratitude

I am a little behind on making some calls, commenting on some comments and updating my blog but that is OK. As I listened to Kelly Clarkson's Catch my Breath the following lyrics stuck with me:

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that. Catch my breath, won't let them get me down, it's all so so simple now

It's all so simple now

Yes, I am going through a rough patch of my life right now. Choosing to resign from my job from the City of Keller was not an easy choice but when it became crystal clear I did not belong there nor was I wanted there, I made the choice that was best for my well being. I had a job lined up but that fell through and guess what as the second week of October is nearing the end and I am still seeking full time employment I can't help but think how grateful I am for this season in my life. Don't get me wrong, my money well is getting dry and as I closed my eyes and flew off my bike last week I thought I have no medical insurance this is going to suck, I am still thankful for what I have learned these past few months.
I have had many tender mercies extended to me. I thought I would be able to afford being unemployed comfortably for six months at the month but wouldn't be for more than three. My car was paid for but guess what? The transmission went out in February and that meant I had to buy a car in April. Tender mercies came my way with people lending me cars and even offering to help me buy a car - I can not even begin to express the gratitude from those individuals that at that time I had known for less than a year. I became resourceful and did side hustles like dog/house sitting, getting a part time job in retail, able to do service, enjoy spending time with my friends that are stay at home mom's, go to the library and check out books and movies, and make friends I may not have made if I was working. My nutrition company supplemented my income surprisingly this year and gave me some unexpected extra cash.

I am sad I will not be with my family next month to celebrate Thanksgiving (as I type it my eyes just tear up and I am crying) but just the same doing the #last90days challenge is helping me see how much I have to be grateful for not just on that day but every day.

Wellness Wednesday

I have been working on my wellness for the last couple of years.  Let me tell you it is not an easy task and it can be challenging because of life.  

This year I have read a lot of self help books and enjoyed it so much.  I sometimes think that is one of the reasons I have not found a full time job.  This is the time for me to develop habits that will continue once I am working full time again.
So as you know I have lost 30 lbs this year and the bulk of it has been since June.  I started gunho in January but then I let myself get distracted.  Last year I made a goal to reach my goal to lose 50 lbs by 3/24 and I missed that deadline and then in January I said I would do it by August and then realized in May that I was no where near my goal but said I would do my best.  I am 20 lbs away from that goal and that is what I want to accomplish by 12/31/19.  So there I have verbalized it to a few people in real life and now it is out here on the blog.  Why have I not reached my goal and keep revising my deadline, because life has its ups and downs.  Sometimes I fall into my old habits and stay there and other times I realize I am falling into that rabbit hole again and I am really focusing on not doing so.

I have been so much more diligent about my nutrition since May, I joined a walk a mile a day group and was pretty good about.  This month I am doing a couple of challenges one is to walk at least 3 miles a day (or ride 6 miles to equal 3) and the #last90days and I am loving October.  

But let me tell you, a week ago today I decided I would ride my bike outdoors as it would be quick and I had to get ready for an interview.  I had a goal to go out 3 miles and ride back those three to get six.  Well the morning was beautiful and I was loving it.  So I kept going and then saw the time and realized you have got to get back home pronto.  So I took a detour and then realized I was actually in a private driveway, going really fast and I needed to slow down and turn around.  Next thing I know I feel my back tire go up (i had started braking) and I knew I had to let go of my handlebars and tucked and rolled.  I felt my head hit the gravel with my helmet on and my right arm/shoulder just scraping and burning.  When everything settled I was scared wondering what I had broken, how would someone find me, and how expensive this was going to be.  I took inventory that I could feel pain, my head didn't hurt, my neck felt ok and my legs felt fine.  I was scared to get up and I finally figured out how to sit up and started calling some friends to get a ride home.  After leaving a couple of voice mail messages I figured I would have to ride my bike home and get up.  I took a second to say a quick prayer of gratitude for not being seriously injured and that I would get home safely.  I was able to do so as I called another friend and she saved my day.  So after that, I am just super sore on my shoulder, back and chest.  It hurts to laugh at times and to lay in bed for too long.  So Thursday night I wanted some ice cream because you know that was going to make me feel so much better, the bruises, roadrash and soreness would disappear and I would be able to walk 3 miles on Friday.  I am happy to say I did not have the ice cream and I was able to walk less than the day before. 

I allowed myself to realize that I had a huge spill and trying to walk 3 miles or ride 6 was not realistic.  But I tried my best and today I rode 8.77 miles.  I could have been seriously injured a week ago, I could have let those cycle acrobatics derailed me from my journey, but I didn't.  Why?

Because this past year has helped me develop

have habits and a desire to slay my goals.  It didn't happen overnight and it isn't always easy but it is doable.  Set small realistic goals and slay them - You and I will never have long-term success until we change the small things we do daily.  So join me, I will be happy to cheer you on!!!

A week later....

I still have no job offer.  I am still a top contender for a job that will require me to move to the other side of Dallas.  I have been positive and hopeful most of the week but today I woke up super congested and just not feeling like being positive.

I decided to just think about everything that is wrong with my life: no job, running out of money, super congested, just spent a lot of money on more allergy shots serum, my place is a mess, I did no food prep this week, oh I didn't read that speeding ticket I got last month as that had the instructions about my fine and what to do.  

I finally decided to get up around 8:30 when I was not as congested and walk to my couch.  I looked around and I thought of that island is a mess but went online looked at some jobs and a friend messaged me and asked if I was ok.  I told him I was trying to break free from feeling lazy and my  pitty party to which he promptly replied to put some Bruno Mars.  Guess what it worked.  I made a pina colada shake and started putting my dishes away and cleaned the island.  

It is amazing how just putting on some good music and cleaning an island can start to pull me out of that pit I was in.  I also realized that this is probably the best time for me to make those pillow cases I have been wanting to make for over a year.  I purchased some Angels and Disneyland fabric to make them but have not done so yet.  I also want to finish a wreath I started over a year ago and start and finish another one I have all the materials purchased.  Oh, and lets not forget decorate for Halloween!!!

My goals for this week:  

• Mental: stay positive
• Physical: a mile of physical activity
• Social: let someone know how they have been a + influence or help to me
• Spiritual: study last GC talks and 2 Corinthians 8 - 13

While I have not hit 100% on any of them I still have time to do so and will do it!!!  

Almost forgot tomorrow I am going to be fingerprinted and after that I will just need to wait 10 days to be able to substitute teach at Keller ISD.

Why I haven't posted or blogged

I have hit the wall a couple of times the last few weeks.  I try, I really have tried to be positive but you know being unemployed has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.

Some people told me not to quit my job without another job.  I thought I had something right around the corner and I also knew that my boss was creating a hostile environment for me.  I could have stayed but my peace of mind and health were not worth it.  Do I regret it, sometimes I do.  It is in those moments that I remember how miserable life can be when you are not in a healthy place and having stayed employed would have turned into misery.  I had been there before and was paid a lot more than I was so it wasn't worth it.

Fast forward to the last few weeks.  I have been the top contender for a few positions only to be told that there was concerns I wasn't it if for the long haul and I would move back to CA soon, or I was too qualified and would be bored, and once I was not qualified.

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed for a job that I really wanted, I wouldn't have to move and it sounded like a challenge and something I would enjoy.  I wont lie I felt the interview was just out of kindness or they felt they had to as they knew me as we had interacted in our professional career but I went anyways to give it my best shot.  I was so pumped and excited afterwards, I felt I had a chance and was told they would tell me the following week if I had the job.  

The following week came, and as the days went by, the insecurity that I was not good enough and that I didn't get the job came over me.  I tried not to be upset and kept looking.  Friday a little after 5, I got a call from this organization and my heart leaped with joy.  As we started the conversation, my joy went away and I felt dark and then heard the words that they really had a difficult decision as they were really impressed with my accomplishments but they felt another candidate would be a better fit for the position.  I was crushed and started tearing up.  The individual asked if I had any questions and I quickly said no thank you, I really appreciate you calling me after hours and I hope you have a great weekend.  I didn't want him to hear my voice cracking so we ended the call. 

So my weekend was a struggle with hanging around my apartment feeling discouraged and frustrated.  I moped around but by Saturday night I decided that I needed to just get myself together.  I am smart, resourceful and I need to be more positive.  I have had a couple of friends in CA and here in TX who have caught on as to how down I have been and have taken the time to give me pep talks and words of encouragement throughout this year, when I have needed them the most.  Surprisingly, I have also had friends who I would hope would reach out to me not do so and some who think I am having the time of my life and keeping busy.  I don't think they have realized that I am keeping busy binge watching Parks and Rec on Netflix or just laying in bed wondering how much longer I can be unemployed or feeling as if I am being punished for something.  I know, maybe they are struggling with their own issues but the one thing I have realized is that you just have to be a friend and reach out even when you don't feel like it.  That is my goal this coming week.

Sunday I heard a speaker at church who repeated the words I had started telling myself the night before.  I am a daughter of God, my possibilities are infinite if I just trust in him.  That has been my mantra this week.

I don't know why that job that was just around the corner in January fell through and the recruiter just ghosted me.  I never imagined I would be unemployed for this long.  I never imagined I would be applying for unemployment insurance and almost done with my savings and working part time at a job that pays so little (but my coworkers show me so much kindness).  I am learning a lot and I am just so grateful for those individuals who this week have helped me realize that I should blog and post about my silly, fun life.  Maybe, just maybe by sharing my journey I can give someone hope.

As I re read this I realize I am all over the place but then again that is ok.  You know why?  Because this is According to me and I am a daughter of God with infinite possibilities, even on this blog.

Unemployment Insurance Update

So the update on unemployment insurance is a bit long and way overdue.

I was awarded UI benefits and saw that my first payment was being distributed on Friday morning, August 2 and  I was elated (who gets excited about receiving UI?). 

As I was leaving that afternoon, I saw a call coming in from a TX number around 5PM and I answered it.  I mean I need to take a call from any TX number as it could be a call.  However, I was not right and it was not a potential employer.  Instead it was the TX Workforce Commission to let me know that my previous employer was appealing their decision.   They asked me if I had proof of me contacting them about my assignment ending and letting them know that I was available for work.  Instead of wanting to cry like I did with the initial call, I was angry that someone made an appeal and basically implied I had been lying.  I held my breath and said:  "Yes, yes, I do.  I have e-mails from the day I learned my assignment was ending and for them to start looking for another opportunity for me.  I have an e-mail reminding them each wee my assignment was ending and to keep me in mind for opportunities.  I have an e-mail on my last day when I submitted my final time card letting them know it was my last day and I was available for work."  The lady said that was good and it was important I faxed those by 6 PM on Monday.  I was still angry, and said it would be hard to find a fax and I would get the emails to her.  I also said, "I am so glad I have these e-mails because I can't imagine how I would prove that I contacted them if I had just called and spoken with someone or left a voice mail message."  
I asked her if they would need me to return my first payment and she said the check had been issued so I could spend it as she didn't think they would ask me for it back and she didn't know if they would or I could wait.  
So on a Friday afternoon, I went on a search for a fax machine.  Staples wanted to charge me about $20 for a fax but I found a Fed Ex that charged me $13.  
A couple of weeks later, I received another payment and I cashed the first check.  I am now responsible for doing three job searches a week so that I can receive my payment which is adjusted based on the earning of my pt job.
I can't believe I had to fight so hard for this benefit that I have never had to use.  

Jobless

My last day at the City of Keller was on January 3, 2019.  Didn't I love that job?  Yes, yes I did.  However, there were some management changes in my department and I no longer enjoyed the position I was hired for.  Do I regret leaving that position?  That is harder to answer but I will do my best.  I regret leaving without a job as I am still not employed but I do not regret leaving an environment that was not healthy for me.  I was the second of three individuals to leave so I think that speaks loud about the situation and it validates my decision for the need to resign and leave.

228 days later I am looking for a full time position.  It has been a bumpy ride and I didn't ever imagine it would be this long before I found a full time position.  I search and apply for jobs and even have interviews and final interviews but just can't seem to land a full time position.  Why?  Well here are some of the reasons:  I am a risk as I may move back to CA;  I am over qualified; I am under qualified; they can't pay me what I should be paid; it was a difficult decision but we are going with the other candidate.  Am I discouraged?  Heck yeah,  who wouldn't be?  I am not used to this much rejection and I have opened my search to anywhere in TX and even out to the west and still nothing.

I have attended networking events and as uncomfortable as it is, I do enjoy it. But I just haven't been able to get to the Southlake Focus Group because I am discouraged and not sure it is worth going - I really planned to go today but I just couldn't do it.

How do I keep busy ?  Well, when I am not down feeling like pond scum, I look for a job, attend networking events, and go to my part time job.  I am also fortunate to be able to spend time with friends and do some service here and there.  I make a mess in my home and try to clean it up.

How much longer can I go?  Not a whole lot longer and that is super scary to me.  I need things to turn around soon like tomorrow. 

What have I learned from this experience?  I think this has taught me that the old school practices I do like send thank you letters to people I interview is worth the time.  I have also learned to not be so wasteful with my money and food.  I truly have more things than I need and I don't need to buy everything I want.  This weekend I am going to start sorting and decluttering my place.  I am pretty good about that as I am known to get rid of things every six months but truth be told I have not done that since I moved to TX but I did acquire things and I need to reassess what I have and get rid of those extra items.  I have also learned that food storage is important.  While mine is not as traditional having a good inventory of the nutrition system I take on hand has been a money saver.  I still have a ways to go but I am slowly learning.

Unemployment Insurance

Here's the story I have never in my professional career filed for unemployment until a couple of weeks.  I thought the process went relatively smooth and easy.  I received my letter that I was eligible for the maximum payout which would be reduced if I worked and earned more than 25% of my eligible amount. 

I did start a retail job PT on July 1 and I just needed that to keep me busy. 

Fast forward to this weekend when I realized I had a voice mail message to call the Texas Workforce Commission.  So it turns out the employer I worked for on a contract position has stated I have not made myself available for work nor notified me. 

The gentleman who asked me some questions was very kind.  I answered his questions honestly and provided him with the dates of the e-mails and correspondence I have had with this organization.  He then provided me with what the employer responded and I just started to tear up. 

I feel like no matter what I just can't catch a break.  He was very sympathetic and told me a final decision had not been made and he would be providing my statement to the claim adjustor who would make a decision.  While it gave me some comfort I was still upset and the man was very kind 

So here I am about to pay my rent for this month and my bills, working a PT job that may reduce my UI benefits but extend them longer and wondering when will I get a job offer.  Everyone I meet with tells me how skilled and how knowledgeable I am.  

In order to receive UI benefits I have to do a job search for three jobs a week.  I do far more than that each week, just this morning I have applied for six jobs.  There were not random but I feel a greater urgency to land that job I need even more so if I am denied UI benefits.  Fortunately, this week I was able to pick up two more shifts at my PT job and I took them because I have no clue when and if I will get UI benefits. 

I never imagined I would find myself in this type of situation.  Do I have regrets - no not really, while I am discouraged and worried I have been in a happier and better place than when I was employed and deal with retaliation and a hostile environment.