Some people told me not to quit my job without another job. I thought I had something right around the corner and I also knew that my boss was creating a hostile environment for me. I could have stayed but my peace of mind and health were not worth it. Do I regret it, sometimes I do. It is in those moments that I remember how miserable life can be when you are not in a healthy place and having stayed employed would have turned into misery. I had been there before and was paid a lot more than I was so it wasn't worth it.
Fast forward to the last few weeks. I have been the top contender for a few positions only to be told that there was concerns I wasn't it if for the long haul and I would move back to CA soon, or I was too qualified and would be bored, and once I was not qualified.
A couple of weeks ago I interviewed for a job that I really wanted, I wouldn't have to move and it sounded like a challenge and something I would enjoy. I wont lie I felt the interview was just out of kindness or they felt they had to as they knew me as we had interacted in our professional career but I went anyways to give it my best shot. I was so pumped and excited afterwards, I felt I had a chance and was told they would tell me the following week if I had the job.
The following week came, and as the days went by, the insecurity that I was not good enough and that I didn't get the job came over me. I tried not to be upset and kept looking. Friday a little after 5, I got a call from this organization and my heart leaped with joy. As we started the conversation, my joy went away and I felt dark and then heard the words that they really had a difficult decision as they were really impressed with my accomplishments but they felt another candidate would be a better fit for the position. I was crushed and started tearing up. The individual asked if I had any questions and I quickly said no thank you, I really appreciate you calling me after hours and I hope you have a great weekend. I didn't want him to hear my voice cracking so we ended the call.
So my weekend was a struggle with hanging around my apartment feeling discouraged and frustrated. I moped around but by Saturday night I decided that I needed to just get myself together. I am smart, resourceful and I need to be more positive. I have had a couple of friends in CA and here in TX who have caught on as to how down I have been and have taken the time to give me pep talks and words of encouragement throughout this year, when I have needed them the most. Surprisingly, I have also had friends who I would hope would reach out to me not do so and some who think I am having the time of my life and keeping busy. I don't think they have realized that I am keeping busy binge watching Parks and Rec on Netflix or just laying in bed wondering how much longer I can be unemployed or feeling as if I am being punished for something. I know, maybe they are struggling with their own issues but the one thing I have realized is that you just have to be a friend and reach out even when you don't feel like it. That is my goal this coming week.
Sunday I heard a speaker at church who repeated the words I had started telling myself the night before. I am a daughter of God, my possibilities are infinite if I just trust in him. That has been my mantra this week.
I don't know why that job that was just around the corner in January fell through and the recruiter just ghosted me. I never imagined I would be unemployed for this long. I never imagined I would be applying for unemployment insurance and almost done with my savings and working part time at a job that pays so little (but my coworkers show me so much kindness). I am learning a lot and I am just so grateful for those individuals who this week have helped me realize that I should blog and post about my silly, fun life. Maybe, just maybe by sharing my journey I can give someone hope.
As I re read this I realize I am all over the place but then again that is ok. You know why? Because this is According to me and I am a daughter of God with infinite possibilities, even on this blog.
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