As I reflect on this event I realize that this individual had a choice to honor a secret she had been trusted with. She knew this would hurt me and chose to just lay it out there where I would see it in black and white and not have second thoughts.
Ironically this same individual had hinted about this in June of 1996. I thought she was talking about my stepdad adopting me. I said something about oh yeah, I know he didn't adopt me. She followed it up with - oh you don't know. I thought it was an odd statement which bothered me enough to call one of my mom's sister who was in Europe and my cousin that I spoke with told me that was nonsense.
So when I read those words in 1997, I once again dialed my aunt's number and she answered. We had some small talk and then I asked her. There was silence. As soon as she started to speak and say "I don't know how to tell you this" I said "It's OK your silence said it all". She quickly told me how my mom loved me more than anything in the world and it was a different time and it didn't matter if I was adopted because I was her daughter. So far not that devastating right? OK maybe a little, but the thing that sent me over the edge was having a cousin who is 9 months younger than me call to check on me and than ask me why I didn't ask her ? When I asked why, and if she knew; she responded "yes, since I was little but we were not allowed to tell you. That was it I felt my life had been a lie and everybody knew but me.
It was hard because of other events surrounding this and also knowing there was nobody I could ask questions. My mom had already passed away, my stepdad had also passed away and the man I thought was my biological father - well I haven't seen him since I was about 12 years old.
This was probably a dark period in my life but that's another story.
Fast forward to 2015. I have never had the desire to find my biological parents. I think because I recognize that it would be difficult since I had no leads and nobody wanted to talk about it. Recently I shared this story with some friends and the next day I learned a little bit more about my adoption.
As I was about to hear this, I could feel my heart beating a little bit faster and thinking - get ready you are about to find out who gave you life and started tearing up. Then I heard how my parents had tried for years to have a child but had no success but a person had a baby they wanted to give up for adoption. My parents than went off to pick me up. At first this individual didn't remember where they had to go.
I then shared with them about how I thought maybe I was from the town where my mom had been a teacher. I had recalled that at least two times we went to visit this family of one of her students. I never really knew why or maybe she didn't tell me; but I remember thinking it was odd and they made a fuss over our visit. I also remember that I once found a picture of their family - at least I thought that then but I am unsure where the picture is and maybe I am confused.
Anyways, I now know I was born in or somewhere near Orizaba, Veracruz.
I still remain grateful for my parents and consider them my parents and I still don't have a strong desire to try to find my birth parents but I am a little more curious as to what the circumstances where and if there was a connection with that family we visited.
I am contemplating if I should do some research but I have not clue what I would do. I mean my birth certificate has my adoptive parents on it so it's not like I can go look for one. I suppose I could go to this town but that would be difficult to find someone and I wouldn't know what to say or who to ask.
So if you have any suggestions - let me know. I don't want to spend a lot of money but maybe it would be worth learning more about who my ancestors are.
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