Random thoughts

This is going to be one of those posts where I am just going to write my feelings and what I am thinking these days. Why? Because, I wouldn't dare talk with anyone about them.

I feel as though all of a sudden little things are happening to get me down, discourage me and to just want to throw in the towel. However, I keep praying every morning that I will have the strenght to endure and do my job to the best of my abilities. My current trials may seem like nothing to some but they are huge to me and I am also realizing that they are based on choices I have made so I have nobody to blame but myself. I know I can get down and sad so I am really trying not to do so which is why I am blogging these random thoughts.

1. Memory - lately I can't concentrate or remember things, I lose my thought mid sentence and then I remember. I am forgetting the names of individuals (team members) as I talk to them and or about something and I get frustrated. My memory is something that I have always been good at recalling remembering details about events etc. and often praised about it at work and in my personal life. So you can understand why this is just bugging me out. Today I couldn't remember meeting someone but I remembered very specific details of their business card and as I described it to them they were impressed and said I had a fabulous memory - I was like ok I don't remember meeting you but you are impressed that I remember your business card. Thank you!!

2. I somehow managed to tweak my back. How? Well I decided to clean out my closet and get rid of stuff that I haven't worn or I have excess of that type of clothing. So I pulled boxes and clothing out of my closet and I everything out and my place is an absolute mess. I have a big trash bag of clothing I am going to take to Goodwill or DI container but I also have a messy place and have trouble picking up boxes since Monday morning so I am going to look for a chiropractor pronto.

3. I am so, so grateful for an awesome sil EE is to me. She is going to be here for my surgery and stay until late Saturday night of Sunday morning. The date worked out well with her schedule. EE has known me since I first came to the US I was about 6 and barely spoke any English. She is a great example of what a wife, mother and sister is and I love her for that and all she does for her family and that includes me.

4. MR texted me the other night to check in on me and I seriously just started tearing up. I tell you I have been emotional with this back pain and not knowing about when my surgery will be scheduled. I have so many things I want to do and have to plan around a tight schedule. Anyways, we exchanged texts for a bit. It took me a bit to respond because I don't like to publicly talk about my health issue and it is easier for me to do it via my blog (part of my communication process). However, MR is one of my many friends in SD that is very dear to me. She is caring and giving and always willing to help people; she gets the party started and has really helped me remember that life is about enjoying and living it to the fullest. So I am glad I was able to let her know I was not feeling very happy or positive and if I was being a downer or negative to let me know and give me a good kick. So I hope she knows how much that one test checking in on me meant.

5. I talked to PL the other night and I was so distracted by what I was watching on tv, eating my dinner and then having to take a call from another friend. I miss living with PL she is the greatest roommate anyone could ever have. Sometimes when I am feeling down in the dumps as I have been, I wish we lived together again or that she lived closer. It doesn't help that I didn't get to go to Spring Break this year to visit her so I am unsure as to when I will see her or if we will have the chance to see each other in 2013 and that makes me very sad.

6. After work I went out to grab a bite and beer (h2o for me) at the brewery by our office. My back was in pain but for the couple of hours but Harvey, Frenchie and I were talking about work experiences and then just our lives in general we laughed and just relaxed and I forgot about my pain. I think the highlight of the night was that I said a couple of funny things which is a side they don't get to see in the office and they asked me if I was really drinking h2o. I love that! Harvey is also trying to convince Frenchie to go to the baseball game next week so he wont be the only guy. I think MR may be surprised if Harvey shows up...he did already give me cash for the ticket so I think he is going.

7. I keep listening to my Hilary Weeks CD on my way to and from work. I have even let it play when Harvey is in my car and we go to lunch somewhere. He saw her case and said "she's hot" in a sarcasm tone and I responded "really, well you just have to listen to her music now and just remember she is married".

8. AW is back in town and we have had some really fun e-mails. She is so calming I think she is like my niece NE who just brings you calmness and peace. So grateful for her friendship and encouraging words.

So yeah maybe I felt down in the dumps when I started this post and re wrote it but IU chose the top 5 thoughts, I mean 8 and now I am feeling better. I think listening Hilary's CD has really helped as well as just blogging these thoughts.