Wednesday, November 25th

I wish I had kept blogging yesterday but it really tired me out to think what happened what day it was etc and to tell you the truth I am struggling keeping track of the days.  Relaxation will do that to you.

Will do my best to recall.

I woke up around 4 am and though I had to go to the bathroom but had agreed I would text Brenda when I needed to go so I told myself it was too early and to go to back to sleep.  I fell asleep and 1/2 an hour later I really had to go.  I turned the light on and looked and thought I don't want to wake her up and I know I can do this.  So off I went to the bathroom.  I did it but I also managed to make my underwear wet.  It is a challenged to get them down my left leg as my brace is thigh high.  So what's a girl to do but remove and hand wash.  

Then get to another clean pair and put them on.  Now that was interesting but I did it.  I crawled back in bed a bit tired and it was now 5:15 am.  I felt accomplished and went back to sleep.  

I woke up later and Brenda was checking on me and I told her about my conquest and she reminded me I needed to text her as I couldn't just take off and do it on my own.  I spoke with my brother Ken that morning and same lecture about making sure I took my percocet and didn't just do things on my own.  

I also reflected on how two years ago I had fallen and the knee became my handicap.  I was blessed then with caring family and friends in San Diego and now it continues in Cypress.

I have to be honest I still had motion sickness.  If I got up too quick or moved suddenly without thinking I would throw up a little.  I was more thirsty than hungry.

I slept on and off most of the day.  I felt super groggy after taking percocet and by the late evening didn't feel like I needed it anymore.  I went to bed that night without taking my night dosage.  Brenda talked about cutting one capsule in half but I felt confident I was good and my discharge papers said I could take as needed so I didn't need. 

I was touched by how many friends wanted to come by and bring me anything I may need or just visit.  Having three surgeries behind me, I now know how to prepare so I have no immediate needs in the first few days and I am a lazy sleepy head as well.  Yet I am appreciative of those  dear friends who wanted to come by and keep me company - don'r forget I took a rain check for next week when I am more alert.

Mardi , Novembre 24 Partie deux

I remember seeing 3:15 on a wall when I was groggy as I heard someone say hearing everything went ok and how did I feel.  I think it was Yoon.  

I slipped in and out of sleeping and when I was fully awake they asked me how I felt.  I said I felt fine.  They asked if I wanted them to order me dinner.  I said no thank you and asked for some ice chips.

I was asked if I felt like I could go home or did I want to stay and if Michelle was still here.  I said I felt fine and could go home but we would have to call Michelle to see if she could come get me.  I also asked for some jell-o and they brought me my favorite flavor - Cherry!!!

They called Michelle and she told them she was back in Aliso Viejo so she would leave there when traffic settled and would be back around 8 - 8:30pm.  

They came to tell me and I said OK.  I asked for a bed pan and that was epic failure.    

Shortly after they transferred me to the area where people are waiting to be discharged.  My nurse there was David from the UK.  

He checked my vitals and offered me some food and I asked for more jell-o which was yummy.  They were checking my vitals and I felt nausea and my jell-o came back up.  I wasn't sure why but I was upset at the mess I made.  So he and another lady helped me change my gown.  David asked me if I was sure that I felt good to go home.  I told him I felt fine and did - but did he think I should stay.  He said my vitals were good although my bp was a little high and I didn't have a fever.  So I asked for some ice chips to suck on.  

He gave me some medicine for nausea and I felt fine.  We were talking back and forth and I learned Yoon is not only an OR nurse but a realtor.  He helped David buy his apartment (I think he meant condo) unless he purchased an apartment building.  Anyways, he was impressed that I recognized his accent as British and high five me.  I explained I had been to London and worked for a Brit for the last 4.5 years.  

I asked to go to the bathroom and they wheeled me there.  When I came back out Michelle was there with my crutches but I got back in the bed.  They sent Michelle to get my RX and I waited.  I told them I had motion sickness and threw up a little bit of the ice but felt fine.  I still had no fever and David again if I was sure about going home.  I responded that I was and asked him if he was concerned about me going home and if he thought I should stay.  He said no, he just wanted to make sure I was sure I was ok.  I told him I felt fine but that moving fast made me motion sick for some reason and going home now with less traffic would be be better than on Wednesday.

He gave me some med for nausea and more liquids - he was concerned tI didn't have enough fluids.  So we waited.  We went over my discharge papers with Michelle there and I asked to go to the bathroom.  I asked if I could use my crutches and they asked me if I was sure....I responded I have to be able to use them before you let me leave so this can be my test so we all giggled and off I went.  It seemed so far away but I made it.  When I was done David was waiting for me with a wheelchair.  He said I was good with the crutches no lesson needed.  I stayed in the chair and they gave me two 325 mg percocet.  Which made me drowsy and they waited and then a bit later I was let go.  I thanked David for his help and told him I was glad he chose to vacation here for two months with a nursing gig and decided to stay so that I was able to meet him as my nurse.  

So I was wheeled down to the valet parking area and we didn't have to pay full price for parking - one of the men who wheeled me down hooked us up with a discounted rate,  I got in the backseat of Michelle's car from the passenger side and it was comfortable and off we went.  

I have to say I have had the best experiences with nurses in my 4 surgeries.

The drive was not light.  There was traffic and I did wake up when we passed the area of LA that had its 20% chance of rain which sounded beautiful but concerned me about getting out of the car in rain on crutches.

We arrived at Brenda's at almost 11 PM.  Michelle and Brenda helped get me setup in bed and I was out.  

I received many text messages that day from the few people that knew I was doing this and I am so appreciative and blessed to have family and friends that are so willing to help me get better.  

Tuesday, November 24th surgery day - Part 1

I took the week off as vacation.  Not many people at work knew surgery was scheduled for Tuesday.  Yes, I was superstitious.  I don't know why either. 

I had a hard time falling asleep and didn't rest much.  I woke up showered, put my sheets in the washer and before I knew it my ride Michelle was here.  I said bye to Brenda and we were off to UCLA.  Although my surgery was not until 1 pm they wanted me to check in at 10:30 am.  The 405 had light traffic and we were in the carpool lane.  We arrived at 10:24 AM and valet parked.
  
It is a beautiful building and so clean and bright.  I had butterflies in my stomach as we walked in and Michelle joked about how fancy it was with valet parking and how it felt like a Vegas casino.  Minus the smoke.  We checked me in and I felt really nervous and had nausea so they gave me a barf bag which I did use.  

They asked us to go to the 2nd floor where we were asked to take a seat and shortly thereafter we were told we would need to wait in the waiting room downstairs until they were ready for us.  I felt nausea again so I went to the bathroom and we sat down and I am sure I dozed off as I was so tired.  My phone rand  heard them call my name and they said I could go back upstairs so off we went.  

We waited a couple of minutes and they came to get us and put me in bed 19.  My nurse was Bryan - yes, he was young and good looking.  I was asked to put on my gown and slippers.   Was told I had to pee in a cup and I explained I had just gone so not sure how that would work and if was necessary.  Bryan explained that they needed to do a pregnancy test to ensure I was not pregnant.  I smiled and said I had a hysterectomy in 2012 so I am pretty sure that as good as I am; there is no way I am pregnant.  He smiled and said yes, you're right pretty unlikely.  

Dr. Wong (resident anesthesiologist) came in and we went throught the same spill about the anesthesia process and I signed my release etc.  Than Dr. Hame came in and she was so friendly and asked how I was so I told them both how I was so nervous and that I threw up downstairs.  They both smiled and told me I was in good hands and I didn't need to worry.  Than a group of residents came in as they were going to give me a regional anesthesia to block the pain in that area.  It was quite interesting that the main doctor to do this was doing so while they took my BP so I knew it was going through the roof.  The main doctor for this was a true gentleman and considerate as I would be exposing part of my privates and he kept asking to make sure the curtain was closed.  I said it was fine if they residents needed to learn and experience I didn't mind but he said he did. 

The anesthesiologist seemed a bit bothered that people just kept coming in and out and asked me to guess how long before someone else came in.  I said 30 seconds,  My surgery nurse than came in Yoon shortly after that and we laughed.

Yoon was apologetic and I told him it was fine that I didn't care he was going to be there during surgery and would be seeing a lot of me   I also told him and Bryan that I was glad they were my nurses.  They seemed surprised and I explained that I worked in Human Resources and I always felt it was great to hire engineers that were not males but rather females.  So I was glad to see that my staff was going to be a male team - they then said but Dr. Hame is a female.  I responded yeah, but look at all the males supporting her - which they laughed and Bryan gave me a high 5.  

I was rolled into the OR and I could hear them sawing something which I can only imagine was my ACL from a cadaver - I don;t know but maybe I will remember to ask.  I don't recall much but I do remember them wheeling me back to the post op area and feeling groggy.  

How I got to where I am today.

As many of you know on Wednesday, November 26th, 2013 I fell down my stairs while getting ready for Thanksgiving weekend.  I tore my ACL, MCL and some other tendons. The pain was nothing I had experienced before and I was hoping for a broken leg but it was not so.  I was fortunate that I had a friend who offered to drive me to Palm Desert to have thanksgiving with my family.  It was nice to be around my family and friends but I felt so useless and in the way.  I came home a day early which meant I left during my brother's 60th birthday celebration.

On January 7, I had my MCL repaired, but the surgeon quickly realized I probably should have had the ACL repaired as there was more damage that that was not visible in the MRI.
 So we opted to wait.  And we waited as my work schedule was hectic in preparing for ISO14001 recertification and OHSAS 18001 certification.  I accomplished these in October 2014.  The opportunity to transfer back to the aerospace division happened and so I left San Diego the last weekend in April 2015.

I began training with a trainer and loved working out.  However, my knee was blowing up in pain as I worked out harder , walked longer distances from my car to the office and around the building and back to my car and I finally knew I had to get it fixed.

I met with Dr. Sharon Hame (She was recommended to me by my previous surgeon Dr. Laura Alberton).  We did an exam - which I must say my knee ached afterwards- did an MRI the following day and we were going to schedule surgery.

Halloween weekend I opened and e-mail from UCLA that my surgery was scheduled for November 4.  Which gave me very little time to get ready for surgery.  I called everyone that was on my surgery team and we planned.  As luck would have it on Tuesday, I woke up congested, with aches and thought ok sleep a little longer - no such luck surgery was cancelled.  I was asked if the Friday or Tuesday before Thanksgiving would work for rescheduling and I said Friday would be best but I will do whatever day works best for everyone.  I learned shortly it would be on Tuesday - not the best day but in other ways it seemed right.

Not the best because I knew it would not work well with family thanksgiving day celebrations.  Best because I would be doing the surgery one year short to the day of two years of my accident.  So the next few blogs will be my journey.

Five Problems with Social Media

This month I have a goal to blog every day about a specific topic.  

So here we go.

Most of us have an account on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.  I opened my Facebook account when my oldest nephew and niece were in college so I could keep up on what was happening in their lives.  It was fun and now well it is nice and it has been a very helpful tool as I am planning my high school reunion with some fabulous classmates.  

Problem #1 - Addiction:  Once Smartphones became widely available did you notice how dumb we became (ok maybe it is just me).  I would carry my phone all the time in case I received a text or a phone call.  Than with a Smartphone if I was waiting for something or someone or worse yet bored; I would just check my Facebook and maybe even share where I was (Four Square).  I had to earn some badges and be a leader among my friends for that week.
So one thing I have done is that I don't have Messenger on my phone.  Why?  I want to be in the moment with whomever I am at that particular time.  I want to give them my attention and be respectful of their time.  
While I no longer have a Four Square account I occasionally check in on FB but only after I have left the place I check in.

Problem #2 - Post without a Thought:  Notice how sometimes you will see a friend who posts inappropriate comments or post that are just TMI?  Would we really say that to a room full of strangers?  I think not.  With that said I have posted things and even blogged and thought what was I thinking  I also have commented to posts out of frustration or just silliness and sometimes it is no big deal and other times I think - What were you thinking?

Problem #3 - Making ourselves vulnerable to burglars or stalkers or worse.  I will not tag pictures of friends because maybe they don't want the picture to be seen because they don't like it or whatever.  I also do not post my friends kids names on my posts or comments.  I refer to them by their initials or first name initial.  I am shocked when I see parents who post the picture of their kids and you can see the school name etc and it is open for the public to see.  
I know and here I said in #1 how I would post where I was what I was doing etc.  

Problem #4 - Anyone can find you.  I was contacted at work a while back by the Department of Justice.  I was nervous as to why the DOJ would be looking for me so I told them I was working and needed to end a call and I would be right back.  The agent found me via Linkedin.  He wanted to know if I could be a witness for a hearing on a case he had worked on.  This made me realize that if an agent could find me - who else can find me?  So I have tried to make my profiles as private as possible.  However, once you put something out on the Internet it's out there.

Problem #5 - Disagreements.  It is so hard to communicate with individuals sometimes by e-mail so it only gets worse by social media.  We tweet rather than call and announce our news to our family and friends.  While we think we are making sure everyone knows; sometimes individuals would prefer a personal call or completely misunderstand the post.

Don't get me wrong I like social media it helps me keep in touch with family and friends throughout the world.  Yet I wonder - what is out there about me that I don't know.

25 days

I have my ACL surgery.  Which is something I have been putting off because of work and moving etc.  My previous surgeon at La Jolla Scripps - Laura Alberton was amazing but since I now live up in OC she referred me to two doctors.  

I picked Dr, Sharon Hame and was able to see her on 9/28.  The appointment was a bit intimidating as I have been having pain at the end of the day just from being at work.  I am sure I may have twisted it or something bug wondered what if it is all in my imagination.  A student from UCI or resident that was doing a rotation at UCLA came in and met me and did and examination and apparently I had a hard time relaxing my knee.  I finally did and he did his exam and there was some pain and he left saying he would be back with Dr Hame. 

They then came in and we talked about my injury , my surgery and what I was experiencing.  She then examined my knee and did a few different things and some kind of hurt. She said we would need to do an MRI so she knows what we need to fix.  As I waited for the nurse to come in with the paperwork a resident came in and asked if he could check my knee as Dr. Hame had asked him to see me;back on the table I went and had it checked.  I might add one of the ways Dr. Hame checked it was with it off the table, placing it against the table to see how it moved.  Although it hurt it also showed my knee is not good - yay i was not imagining.

So my MRI was done the next day.  I don't know what the MRI showed but I did hear back from her office this week after playing phone tag to get let me know the first available surgery date was 11/5/15.  I of course was a bit surprised and caught off guard but said OK I will take it.    

The next two weeks will be busy and I am going to be getting ready. I am nervous as I saw a picture of someones leg who had the same surgery and yet still had problems and had to have a complete knee replacement.  I also thought of the lady in my old ward who also had issues.

So there you have it my 4th time having surgery and I will probably do more blogging during this time.

Discovering more about where I was born

On March 20 something (a few days before my birthday)in 1997 I found out I was adopted.  I didn't find out the conventional way where your parents sit you down and tell you.  I found out through the course of reading a deposition where an individual chose to make some statements.  One of them being that I was adopted but my parents never wanted me to know.

As I reflect on this event I realize that this individual had a choice to honor a secret she had been trusted with.  She knew this would hurt me and chose to just lay it out there where I would see it in black and white and not have second thoughts.

Ironically this same individual had hinted about this in June of 1996.  I thought she was talking about my stepdad adopting me.  I said something about oh yeah, I know he didn't adopt me.  She followed it up with - oh you don't know.  I thought it was an odd statement which bothered me enough to call one of my mom's sister who was in Europe and my cousin that I spoke with told me that was nonsense.

So when I read those words in 1997, I once again dialed my aunt's number and she answered.  We had some small talk and then I asked her.  There was silence.  As soon as she started to speak and say "I don't know how to tell you this"  I said "It's OK your silence said it all".  She quickly told me how my mom loved me more than anything in the world and it was a different time and it didn't matter if I was adopted because I was her daughter.  So far not that devastating right?  OK maybe a little, but the thing that sent me over the edge was having a cousin who is 9 months younger than me call to check on me and than ask me why I didn't ask her ?  When I asked why, and if she knew; she responded "yes, since I was little but we were not allowed to tell you.  That was it I felt my life had been a lie and everybody knew but me.

It was hard because of other events surrounding this and also knowing there was nobody I could ask questions.  My mom had already passed away, my stepdad had also passed away and the man I thought was my biological father - well I haven't seen him since I was about 12 years old.  

This was probably a dark period in my life but that's another story.

Fast forward to 2015.  I have never had the desire to find my biological parents.  I think because I recognize that it would be difficult since I had no leads and nobody wanted to talk about it.  Recently I shared this story with some friends and the next day I learned a little bit more about my adoption.

As I was about to hear this, I could feel my heart beating a little bit faster and thinking - get ready you are about to find out who gave you life and started tearing up.  Then I heard how my parents had tried for years to have a child but had no success but a person had a baby they wanted to give up for adoption.  My parents than went off to pick me up.  At first this individual didn't remember where they had to go. 

I then shared with them about how I thought maybe I was from the town where my mom had been a teacher.  I had recalled that at least two times we went to visit this family of one of her students.  I never really knew why or maybe she didn't tell me; but I remember thinking it was odd and they made a fuss over our visit.  I also remember that I once found a picture of their family - at least I thought that then but I am unsure where the picture is and maybe I am confused.

Anyways, I now know I was born in or somewhere near Orizaba, Veracruz. 

I still remain grateful for my parents and consider them my parents and I still don't have a strong desire to try to find my birth parents but I am a little more curious as to what the circumstances where and if there was a connection with that family we visited.

I am contemplating if I should do some research but I have not clue what I would do.  I mean my birth certificate has my adoptive parents on it so it's not like I can go look for one.  I suppose I could go to this town but that would be difficult to find someone and I wouldn't know what to say or who to ask. 

So if you have any suggestions - let me know.  I don't want to spend a lot of money but maybe it would be worth learning more about who my ancestors are.