I have a good life!!!

I turned on my TV so I could listen to some music and the PGA tour was on the screen. I was about to switch it to stream Pandora but I saw a familiar beautiful sight - Torrey Pines. So while I am not a PGA follower I have it on while my Hilary Weeks Pandora station plays on my laptop.

I am fortunate that I grew up and lived in Cypress, California most of my life. I always thought I would live in Orange County so when I moved to San Diego that was super huge to me. It was not a city or two away, it was another county. However, I was able to take the Amtrak train and be in OC quickly and see surfers along the coast or drive up there for the day or dinner. I was also just a drive over the mountains to see my family in Palm Desert. So it was not that bad.

San Diego is truly a beautiful place and it holds a special place in my heart.

I eventually moved back to Orange County and thought I would stay but it still didn't feel right. Looking back, I think that county move was to prepare me to move to Texas.

I have been in Texas 33,696,000 seconds; 561,600 minutes; 9,360 hours; 390 days; which is basically 55 weeks and 5 days.

Recently people have asked me if I am moving back to California and I think I surprise them when I tell them no. I am not sure why I am in Texas but I am here for a reason. Things fell into place super quick for me to move here. To this day I don't know what that reason is and I would like to know. Sometimes I think it was to prove to myself that I could do it and I am glad I did. I have met so many fabulous individuals because of this move. Texas is home for now and I am doing my best to make it an unforgettable experience.

With that said don't get me wrong I do miss many things from TJ all the way up to the Golden Gate Bridge and east to Las Vegas and Spring Training at Diablo Stadium. I miss Enrique's, Cypress Stake, the Angels, Disneyland, the smell of the ocean breeze and a sunset overlooking to the Pacific Ocean, my friends and family. Apparently I can get glimpses of my beautiful state and places I have lived by turning on my TV and watching the PGA tour or looking at my pictures.

Things I saw while writing this: Torrey Pines, the San Diego ocean, Miramar Base, Scripps Green Hospital, The Goodyear Blimp. Who knew the PGA Tour would make me smile and feel so much gratitude. Thank you PGA tour for making me smile as I recalled being a patient after tearing my ACL at Green Hospital, hiking at Torrey Pines, seeing the air show at Miramar, seeing the Blue Angels do a fly over the San Diego temple, being invited to ride on the Goodyear Blimp, having amazing friends and the best family ever.

I have a pretty amazing life!!!!

Cooking on FB Live

I forgot to take a picture of all the ingredients before
I cooked them but here is what I was able to create.

My friend Melissa suggested I show some of my food prep cooking on a FB live video.  So I did.  I purchased a little tripod that can be used with my camera, and my phone.  I then realized I should at least do something with my hair.  I set the tripod, my phone and then realized it would be beter if I had everything ready.

I peeled and cut four small potatoes, some garlic, onion, bell peppers, and off I went.  I felt incredibly awkward but I also thought it was different and fun.  

The one thing I forgot was that I was wearing a very comfy but very form fitting LuLaRoe Julia dress that I only wear at home to be comfy and lounge around in.  So when I realized I needed more of one item and didn't think twice I showed the world my vulgarity LOL
I say that because I always say one size does not fit all and if you put something on that shows every bump it is vulgar.  So there you have it - I lounge in my home in vulgarity and that's ok because nobody knew it until today.

So what will I do better next time.  Not wear my lounging clothes.  I never realized how much work goes into those videos.  Or maybe there isn't and I just make it harder than it is.

So here is a picture of the final product.  I was able to put 1/2 cup of picadillo in four containers and will add asparagus or broccoli in the square containers.  The round one has one cup and is being frozen for a day when I want some and I don't have time to cook a batch or don't want a batch.  The red bowl was for my dinner tonight.

I want to make some vegetable soup tomorrow as we will be having some cold weather this coming week in Texas.   

#ocgirlintx #ocgirlfoodprep  

Why I Blog

Why do I blog?

I do instead of journaling

I blog to keep my friends in the loop

I blog because it helps me mentally 

Basically I blog because I can, it is a way for me to share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Why Have I Not Blogged Regularly?

I have been trying to not drop dishes

I have not felt inspired

I have not felt that my posts would be inspiring/helpful

Why I am Going To Start Blogging

I have some funny things happen sometimes that I want to share

I have some experiences I think others could learn from

I have time to do this

Sometimes It Is OK To Let One, Two, Three Or ALL The Plates Fall To The Ground....Eventually You have to Pick Them Up

We have so many things going on in our lives as we juggle all the responsibilities between our personal lives, work, school, volunteering etc.  I know I do.  People think that because I am single life is easy and you know I wont lie at some times it is and others it is not.  It just depends on what is happening and where you are mentally and spiritually.

The past few months I have been juggling things and I have been doing my best to keep the plates up in the air.  I can't lie I dropped a plate and I tried to cover it as I didn't think anyone would notice and you know what?  Nobody did.  The plate I dropped was probably more of a serving dish.  I was disappointed and sad that out off all the plates I dropped it was the one that mattered to me the most because of what it represents in my life. 

Dropping this dish had a ripple effect in my ability to juggling the other dishes.  Before I knew it you could see all the broken dishes in my home.  I cared and I tried to pick them up but no matter how hard I tried I just felt like I was getting nowhere.  

Only a couple of people knew I was struggling juggling my dishes but I don't think they knew I had let the dishes fall and break all over my home.  Then there was the weekend when some dear friends came over for the first time and boy was I embarrassed.  That week I vowed I would pick up all the dishes but it was so hard to do and it fell so impossible.

This weekend I felt the weight of the dishes as I was worn out and battling with my allergies.  Yet, today I did my best to put the serving dish back together and I felt good about this. 

When I arrived in Texas it was during the freeze and it felt good - I was not congested very much and things were good.

Then this past Spring I started being more congested and going through more Flonase Nasal Spray in a short period.  I also started having more sinus headaches and trouble sleeping because of my congestion.

I saw a doctor and I was given a shot and was told she would refer me to an allergist but I have not heard anything about an allergist. 

So I took matters into my own hands and I went to an allergist.  I saw her two weeks ago and had my allergy test.  Have you ever had an allergy test? 

So I had the test done on my back.  A drop of the allergen is pricked on the surface of the skin.  The test was done on my back.  I started feeling itching almost immediately and then the second section I felt another area itching even more, by the final section I felt a lot of itching and the last section had one that itched more than all the others.  I was told we had to wait 20 minutes. 

20 minutes later the doctor came in to let me know I was right about the things I was allergic to but that she had to test some on my arm because some of the redness and swelling spread into others so it was difficult to see if I had a true allergy to something else.  So after another 20 minutes she came back to let me know I was an overachiever.  I am off the charts allergic to at least one or two things for each season in TX.  On a scale from 1 - 4 I scored a 4++++ on a few.  So after she asked me how long I was planning in living in TX, she told me I have a few options:  take some medicines ongoing or do that with a mix of allergy shots that may take 3 - 5 years.  So while I save some money for my allergy shots, I am taking some drugs.  

Mind you I am still very allergic to dust so I now have to dust and vacuum regularly as well as make sure I change my linens every one to two weeks.  I am struggling most with the dusting and a little with the vacuuming.  I already changed my linens once a week ( I was grossed out when I heart two weeks) but now sometimes think of changing them after 3 nights but after one week of doing that  I decided weekly is much better.  I am changing my towels after two showers, it used to be three.  So, yeah I guess I am a little OCD.  

Depression - Homesick?

So the other evening I worked out with my trainer who has become concerned.  He is concerned that I am not myself lately.  Apparently I am not as energetic, excited as I usually am - I thought I was half asleep in the mornings.  He appreciates I don't talk about work because I work for the city and he technically does as a trainer at our city gym facilities.
I did share with him I think I am just in a funk.  To which he asked are you homesick and I said ah maybe a little.  Then he asked timidly if I would be open to considering I may be depressed.  

Which made me have a couple of thoughts in my reactions:
1. Wow a total stranger is concerned about me
2. Depression is real but yet people are willing to talk about it with hesitation
3. This is pretty cool.

So I would like to focus on number 2.

Depression is real and more people than we are probably even aware suffer from it.  I know because in 2016 I was diagnosed with depression by two professionals.  One was my primary care provider and the other was a therapist I talked to for almost a year.  

Prior to this post I have not shared this with too many people.  I have taken medication for it.  I have also been told it is not addictive.  

So here is the other confession with agreement from my current medical primary care provider I have gone off my medication because I have felt so much better since I moved to TX.  However, I am now wondering if I need this more than I realized I did.  If I am honest I have been in a funk this past month.  I kept telling myself it was the heat but I will be honest I am not sleeping as well at night but on the weekends I have no problem sleeping a good portion of the time (I thought maybe it was because I had insomnia during the week).  I am noticing I am being very introverted, I have a messy kitchen and clean clothes piled on my dinner table, and a messy car.  Not really messy but I just don't want to do anything.  So while I may not post this post publicly I am still taking a risk putting this out here.  

I have been embarrassed to let people know I was depressed and not happy when I was in CA but I now know people noticed.  I have been happy in TX and thought maybe I could be off my med but maybe just maybe I can't.  Maybe it is something I need.  I don't know something to think about and research.

I have also started doing energy healing.  I will blog about that this weekend.  

I do know one thing I am glad my trainer Zack was not afraid to ask the question and make me think about this.

Rough Week

Earlier this year I talked on the phone with my friend Keith Eddington, the Sunday after Sharon's funeral, when everyone had gathered at Hal and Melissa's home.  Keith was at home and couldn't go to Melissa's as he was not feeling well or maybe he was in the hospital.  I am not sure.  I do know that he and I had a conversation and we talked and I told him I would see him in a couple of months and everything would be good.  

When I visited CA in March, it was really important for me to honor my comment to him and see him.  When we saw him he didn't look well but he was optimistic, as was his wife Jodi, and I am sure he was in a lot more pain than he let on.  I can't imagine what the last three months have been for him but I was kept up to date by group texts or text from Cindy.  

So last week when Cindy texted me last Saturday to let me know Keith was back in ICU my heart sunk a little.  She let me know they would be fasting for him on Sunday.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints members fast the first Sunday of the month by abstaining from two meals.  During that time they can pray for spiritual guidance or for family or friends who are having trials.  I told Cindy I too would fast.  

Sunday came and I thought of Keith, my family and friends in CA and I just wanted everyone and everything to be OK.

Monday night, I received a text from Cindy letting me know that Keith was not doing well and people were taking turns at seeing him and my heart sunk.  

Tuesday morning at 7:57 AM Jodi sent a text out that the doctor called it and Keith had left this life.  I had the information relayed to me by Cindy three minutes later and I found myself angry, sad, grateful, and shocked.  

I was angry that six months after having lost my dear friend Sharon to cancer, I was once again losing another friend.

I was sad to feel helpless and to be so far away from my friends and that this year's pesto party that Melissa was planning around my visit to CA and Keith's health would not be the same without Keith there. 

Shocked that I was feeling the two feelings and also that in six months I have lost two dear friends.  We are not old (they are actually younger than me) and these are not deaths by accidents but just non discriminatory diseases.  

Grateful because I believe that through Christ's atonement we are able to repent for our sins and most importantly live with God and our families forever.  As well as the fact that I have no doubt that Keith knew he mattered to me and I valued him as a friend.  I remembered he was surprised that I took the time that I did to go see him when I was in CA for a quick trip - I remember telling him I knew he would be better because we would have an all nigher pesto party to celebrate him being well, the next time I was in town.

Well, I will be going home in September and I do hope Melissa will still have a pesto party to celebrate the friendships that we have maintained through the years.  Some of us have stronger bonds with different people but because of that bond we all enjoy spending time together, talking and laughing.  I think Keith and Sharon would want us to continue celebrating life and making memories with our family and friends.

I know one thing, I will miss Keith initiating the inappropriate jokes and comments which keeps things real in our conversations.  I will also miss listening to him discuss world events with a passion and knowledge as well as spiritual thoughts he had.  Most of all I will miss him giving me a hard time and giving me words of encouragement to keep going and not give up.  One thing I realized is that he is probably one of the few friends that is LDS that my family would have enjoyed meeting as he would have joined in with an inappropriate joke and would have been right in there laughing and joking along and had some deep insightful conversation.  Because he was just that guy that accepted all for who they were.

I won't lie I am surprised at how much my heart aches at having lost these two friends in a short span of time.  

I once again wish I could be in CA to be with my friends celebrating the life of one of the good ones.  I may not be there in person but I will be thinking of all of you. 

I have had feelings of guilt for having moved to TX so far from my family and friends.  The hardest thing about being so far away is not being able to just get in my car and drive to be with those you love and want to be with at times like this.  I just know that where I am is where I am supposed to be for some reason right now.  

I know I will see Sharon and Keith again but right now it still doesn't make it easy to not miss them.  I will just be grateful that I was lucky to have them in my life for a very short time. 
The silver lining in this week was that my youngest niece Natalie and my brother Ken stopped for the night at my place last night.  I didn't share this with them as I just wanted to enjoy being with them.  I enjoyed showing them Town Hall where I work before they headed off on their drive to CA.  I hope they will give the rest of the family a big hug from me.  Their hugs took away some of the longing I had for home.